An Inexhaustible Love

Revealing

2012-02-10T18:37:00.000-06:00

My blogging life stinks right now! I hear this nagging little voice in my head whispering, "Sheesh Hil (this whispering voice also substitutes my name with "slacker"), sure has been a while since you last posted anything! Don't you think it's about time for a deep heart-felt post?! After all, as everyone knows, your blogging consistency and substance measure where you're at spiritually!!!" Ha! Thank goodness that's not true! Regardless this nagging whisper leaves me with a defeated sigh and shrug of the shoulders because while I'd love to spend each week knocking out a post on all the thoughts God is stirring in my heart and the ways at which I see Him at work right now, the truth is, life is busy! Rest assured, God is good, and He's at work... even when the posts are far and few between!

I've been busy preparing and planning for the sections I'll be teaching the Ugandan women at the conference we're hosting with Hessed International the second week we're in Uganda. So it turns out, no surprise here, "teaching" is NOT one of my spiritual gifts. This has ~~forced~~ required me to really immerse myself (more than the average person probably) into the material and scripture I'll be teaching in order to be prepared. Initially this desperate hope to soak in every ounce of knowledge related to "Marriage Building Strategies"(the topic I'm covering) was rooted in the mere fact that I didn't want to look like a complete buffoon in front of this group of women. Fear. It's gripping. But in classic God fashion, He has used my frenzied, fear driven, study habits, to gently reveal more of who He is to me.

For instance.... He has used this time to remind me that I will NEVER stop learning! It is a foolish thing for me to assume that I know all I need to know on a certain topic... marriage building strategies for instance! As I read (and re-read) and digest all the material I'm covering I continually find myself awakened to new perspectives and to different attributes of Christ that I had yet to discover! So while my initial motive in digging deep into this material was so that I looked all prepared and rock-star teacher-like, God has used this time to nudge me and gently say, "I still have things to teach YOU too Hilary!". So when it comes to communication, conflict, prayer, and romance in the context of marriage... just know, I'm no pro! (o;

God has also used this time of preparation to expose more of how He has uniquely created me. It all started with me realizing that I repeatedly kept turning to Joshua in the middle of studying and would rattle off a list of insecure questions..."You're teacher, how the heck do I do this?! How would you present this? Would you use an outline? Should I just do it lecture style like you do? If only they had powerpoint in Africa, you could totally help me make an awesome powerpoint presentation to get this idea across, right?! Huh, huh, huh?!?!". Annoying right?! Thankfully I have a patient husband! Here's the deal, it doesn't flippin' matter how Joshua, my amazing teacher husband, would do it!!! What matters is how God wants ME to do it! So that has left me on my knees, begging for God to reveal how He can best use ME to convey what HE knows these women need to hear. He knows the way I'm wired and He knows the best way I communicate with people- heck He created me! So instead of trying to take on someone else's teaching style, I'm just asking God to use the way He made me to most effectively stir the hearts of the women there. And you know what? He's doing just that, revealing little features about my personality that I am confident in and teaching ideas are coming to mind that line up with that! I absolutely LOVE that we serve a God who uses each of our strengths and weaknesses in different ways! The peace that has come in truly soaking in this realization, is freeing! He keeps reiterating that what's most important is that I'm willing to be used. May I be your hands and feet and voice God!

Before I wrap this post up, I could for sure use any and all prayers that I would remember to talk sssslooow! I talk fast to begin with and when I'm nervous, I shift into hyper mode- I can just see the blank stares of confusion now! Yes they speak english in Uganda, but our accents are so different, no doubt there is a bit of a language barrier. Seriously, when Joshua came home from Uganda this past time and we were watching all his video footage, we were like 5 minutes into it before I said, "Oh! Wait, are they speaking english!?!"... it's a thick accent folks! So I'm guessing they think ours sounds funny too! All that to say, I need to talk slow and I need prayers! (o;

Listen to the beautiful voices of Uganda in this video from when Joshua visited Amazima back in July!

Uganda Prep Time

2012-01-26T12:16:00.000-06:00

In less than 4 weeks I'll be on a plane... Uganda bound! Woot Woot! The excitement is building and the prep work is under way! This past weekend the entire Uganda team was able to get away for 24 hours for a time of planning and team building.

(Side note: bare with me on this little tangent... ) While some of you might cringe at the thought of "team building" and roll your eyes to cheesy ice breakers, I'll have you know- I LOVE IT and truth be told, deep down I wish every social situation in life required people to be silly and get uncomfortable for the sake of breaking down the ridiculous walls we have up in our lives! You see, this passion I have for team building is in my blood, it's inevitable when you work at a camp for 5 years! I mean, think about it, day in and day out, I was surrounded with people playing goofy games that had awesome names like "Giants, Dwarfs, and Wizards" and "Mosquito Tag", and "The Borg", along with "Rapid Fire"(my favorite, I might add!), and "Lilly Pad Landing" and the ever so popular "Chubby Bunny"! Oh and don't even get me started about the fun we can have with trust falls, and blind hikes, and the spider web! Makes me smile just thinkin' about it! (Oh how my inner-dork is shining through right now!)

Okay, I'm back! Thanks for sticking with me, back to this weekend! As you might have guessed, my heart was happy because Friday evening consisted of "get to know you" games, and a team building exercise!


We went around the table taking turns reading random and funny facts about one another that each of us had turned in prior to the retreat. We had to guess who said what. I'm always amazed at the things I learn about people and I'm even more amazed at how quirky people are! From one person's favorite childhood food being the school's cafeteria salisbury steak to another person who has a deathly fear of velvet/velour?! Gotta love it!


Team building exercise: We were each given a role to play, and our objective was to get from one house to the other where our "safe zone" was in under 20 minutes. My "role" was that I had no legs, obviously unable to walk, but I couldn't mention that I had no legs to anyone. If any of us mentioned what our role/aliment was, then we had to start all over. The group consisted of someone who was blind, someone with with no arms, someone who had paralyzing panic attacks, someone who was deaf, a nay-sayer, someone who fainted every time the nay-sayer disagreed with the group, an 85 year old who was only able to say "huh, I didn't hear you", and a headstrong leader who told others what to do and thinks they're always right. Well... you can only imagine how difficult communication was given our aliments! Hence me getting dropped by Carrie here because she had to faint while carrying me because Nancy, the nay-sayer, disagreed with our plan of action!

So here I'm rethinking how in the world I'm going to get someone to carry me all the way over to the other house! Notice Nancy, the nay-sayer yelling, "No! This is not a good idea!" She played the role well! As we started to figure out everyone's roles based on their behavior, we were able to communicate a little better- but it wasn't very pretty, that's for sure!

This is the oh so eloquent "hand off" of legless Hilary... to the blind man, mind you! Yes folks, that's right- after much deliberation it was determined that the only one strong enough that was able to carry me was the BLIND guy! He had to have his eyes closed the entire time and carry me outside, in the dark, along an uneven stone walkway! Talk about nerve racking! Shawn (blind guy), you most definitely got your work out for the night! Sorry I ate so much for dinner, that had to have added a pound or two! (o;

I made sure the others kept Shawn (blind guy) on the path! But quite honestly, I'm not sure the others were of much help considering (Brett, to my right) had no arms and couldn't catch me if I fell, (Bekah to my left) was getting more scared with every step leading to a full blown panic attack, (Nancy, behind me) disagreeing with every word spoken, and (Jeff, behind me) was just busy bossing us all around. I'm glad to announce that we did in fact make it to our "safe zone" all alive and uninjured! And I'm pretty sure we're all closer for it!

Saturday consisted of quality time digging into the material we'll be teaching while in Uganda for the conference that we're hosting for Hessed International's Ugandan pastors and their wives. The ladies from our team will be teaching on marriage (my section is on Successful Marriage-Building Strategies- Joshua particularly likes the chapter I teach on "Keeping Your Romance Alive"... such a guy!) and we're also teaching on Health and Hygiene (lot's of talk about germs and how they're spread & ways to conserve water). We were able to run through teaching our topic and get feedback from the group, which resulted in the unanimous decision that I talk too fast and need to slow down! (No surprise there!) But it was good to get a feel for how we want to present our lessons and hash through any questions we might have.

My favorite part about Saturday though was when we all shared our life stories with the group. Each of us went around the circle and vulnerably and honestly shared about how God had transformed our lives! There is something incredibly powerful about the testimony of 9 people, all from different walks of life, sharing the common thread of God rescuing us from our sinful self and witnessing the beauty that comes from His redeeming love! I am so honored to be going to Africa with this incredible group of imperfect people, who are desperately seeking God's story for their life! There is no doubt that God has woven this team together for His purposes, all with our different strengths and weaknesses to accomplish His work while we're in Uganda!

I'm so stinking grateful for our team leaders who put their precious time and effort into making this weekend happen. Thank you for realizing the importance in getting away, even just for 24 hours, to establish team unity! Thank you to the rest of the team for showing up with open hearts and sharing the same passion for loving God and loving others! This trip... it's gonna be good!

Meet Crystal

2012-01-19T22:00:00.002-06:00

Meet Crystal. I've been lucky enough to call this gal my friend for the past 9 years! Flash back to the summer of 2003 and Crystal and I both were working at Doe River Gorge on summer staff. I was the head lifeguard and Crystal helped train the high adventure staff. What a great summer that was! So many memories were built and so many friendships established that would last a lifetime (I'd like to add, it's also the summer I met the love of my life, "Shua", as the staff referred to him. Uhm yeah, I stick with Joshua, "Shua" sounds like sneeze if you ask me! Don't you agree?! Sorry, never been a fan of this nickname!) Anyway, almost immediately Crys and I hit it off (that line sounds like something cheesy you would say after a first date, but hear me out...). You know what I mean, when you first meet someone and you think to yourself, "Yep, I like this person, they're cool and down to earth, I can totally see us as good friends". Because for goodness sakes, we all know there are those crazy encounters with others where you think to yourself, "Uhm, yeah, not so much! I'm steering clear of this one! CrAzY!". Well, that summer really laid the foundation of Crystal and I's friendship, we both grew spiritually from the work God was doing in hearts and were able to challenge each other as God refined us both in unique ways.

Summer 2003 (Lauren, Myself, Crystal and Joshua)

Right after the summer of '03, five of us girls from Doe River decided to move into together, and so, the infamous blue house known as the "Girl's House" was established! Our beloved old blue house (that quite honestly was somewhat on a sketch street, with two rundown trailers on either side and a scary basement infested with spider crickets), became the house where treasured conversations, genuine fellowship, honest accountability, and lots of laughter took place! I look at the picture of this house and a flood of amazing memories come back that I will cherish forever! Kinda makes me tear up a bit. (o:

The Girls House

Crazy pajama dance parties were held in this house where I was able to show off my amazing dance skills (it's true). Many a meaningful conversations were had while sitting Indian style on the kitchen counter drinking coffee. A constant parade of fun people came in and out of our front door every day of the week, it was like Grand Central Station. One was never lonely at the girls house, that's for sure! The five of us girls each brought something unique to the table, all with very different personalities, but with the common thread of loving Jesus, and you know what?... Amazingly.... it worked! We all got along great! I could do a post on each one of these gals and how they have impacted my life in a profound way! Truly I cherish my time living with these ladies! Crys, Bug, Hopie, and Lala (Rach too, our honorary "original girls house girl")... I miss you dearly and love you so much!

All of us girls hiking in Gatlinburg (Crys, Myself, Bug, Hopie and Lala)

Crystal and I shared the downstairs master bedroom which lead to many late night chats! I can't tell you how many times a night we would whisper in the dark, "Okay, for real, this time we HAVE to go to sleep!" only to hear two minutes later, "Oh! One more thing, you'll never believe what happened today!....." We'd inevitably get the giggles from being in that crazy tired delirious stage and find ourselves exhausted come morning time! It was worth it! (o;

Joshua and I were dating while I lived at the Girls House so the girls had a front row seat as Joshua and I's relationship unfolded. Crystal was there through it all, providing encouragement, a listening ear, and giddiness when needed! Truly, I think God knew exactly what He was doing by placing me in the center of four other girls who were solid believers while Joshua and I dated. It proved to be an incredible accountability that kept Joshua and I's relationship strong and pure. So it should come as no surprise that all the girls stood by my side as my bridesmaids at our wedding! Best day of my life, hands down!

So grateful to have these girls be in my wedding!

After Joshua and I got married, you'd assume that the dynamics of Crystal and I's friendship changed a bit, just due to me no longer living at the girls house and me navigating my way through being a newlywed, but honestly, it didn't! Regardless of being in different phases of our lives though, she was still my "go to gal" and best friend. Over the years our friendship just continued to grow and an unspoken comfort level between the two of us developed. I never worried that if I hadn't gotten around to calling her in a while that she would be upset, and she didn't worry either- we both understood that life has crazy seasons. But when we would catch up, it was such a refreshing conversation and we'd always pick up exactly where we left off.

Skip forward to 2007... Joshua and I had moved from TN to TX and our little Jude man was 4 months old. Crystal was getting married! There is a long story to how God reunited Crystal and Brandon... that will have to wait until another day- but for now, just know this was a day I didn't want to miss! Many nights at the girls house several years prior were spent talking about Brandon and how he was the "standard" of a quality guy in Crystal's life, and if only she could marry him someday! I have to wonder if God tuned into our little talks and smirked, knowing all too well that in fact one day she would marry this man! I had the honor of standing in her wedding as a bridesmaid as well (great motivation to bust butt and try and loose the baby weight I might add!).

Crystal's wedding- former girls house girls

Little Jude on my hip

Okay, so I'm going to jump ahead again... Summer of 2010, Brandon and Crystal sold all their belongings, packed up, and faithfully stepped out into uncharted territory, moving to Bangkok, Thailand with a team of others from their church as missionaries. God has used them in mighty ways to accomplish His work in showing Christ's love to the Thai people! Truth be told, it's been bitter sweet for me to have her go. I couldn't be more proud of her for courageously trusting the Lord as they GO and serve! Yet, I miss her dearly! Five months ago they had a precious baby boy, Tobin, and I couldn't play the role of a best friend and be there to meet him right away. There have been numerous times that I've reached for the phone to call her and share something that is heavy on my heart, only to quickly realize it's 1am in Thailand, boo! The hurdles of communication have proved to be tough! Regardless of the challenges that come with being on opposite sides of the world, we've both earnestly been praying for the work God is doing in both our families lives.

Joshua and I made a trip to TN before Crys and Brandon moved to Thailand and this is me helping her pack her entire life into two duffel bags!

It would be an understatement to say that both our families over the past 2 years have been living quite the adventure! Between them being in Thailand and having a baby to us in the midst of our adoption and trips to Africa, God sure has been writing some fun stories! So you can only imagine what a joy it was to have them come and visit us this past week and soak in their company catching up on all the goodness God has been up to! After all, there's nothing sweeter than spending time with your best friend and snuggling her precious 5 month old baby boy!

Took this pic of adorable Tobin while they were here. Oh how I miss snuggles with this boy already! I could eat him up!

Of course my prayer is that one day maybe God's ultimate plan is for both our stories to intersect and we could all be doing ministry together! But for now, God has us in two different places, and I have peace about that. Here's the deal, even if we are always on opposite sides of the world, but we're desperately seeking God's face, and we're serving Him, I am grateful. I am grateful for the fellowship of a sister in Christ, even from afar, that I know "gets me" and shares the same passion I do. I'm grateful too because I know our friendship is a gift from God.

So you get the gist... our friendship has history. Our friendship has shared monumental life moments. Our friendship has vulnerability and honesty. Most importantly, our friendship has Christ at the center and we share the same desire to seek God's story for our lives. Good stuff.

I walked away from our week long visit and couldn't help but think "This is exactly what God means when He talks about the body of Christ!" It's important folks! This journey of being obedient to GO and DO all that God calls us to is tough, and doing it on your own is near impossible! We were created for fellowship, hardwired for community. If you don't have this in your life, might I encourage you to seek it out. Pray for it. I promise God will bless you!

Thanks Crystal for the blessing of your friendship in my life! My prayers are with you, Brandon and Tobin as you head back to Thailand- I know God has BIG things in store for you! I'm so proud of you!

If you're interested in supporting Brandon and Crystal in Thailand (they raise their monthly support), check out their blog HERE!

2 Night Cabin Getaway = Helping the Uganda Team!

2012-01-02T00:30:00.000-06:00

So, here's the scoop... in 20 days just over $3050 towards my Uganda trip was provided in classic God fashion! Crazy goodness, right? Fully funded for the trip, shaking my head in awe, simply amazed kind of goodness! If you recall, on my "why I'm hesitant to go to Uganda" list I had conjured up in my head before committing to go on the trip, I had "FUNDS" smack dab at the top of the list! Oh ye of little faith, don't I just look like a goober now!?! Clearly MY concerns are NOT God's concerns! He has striped away every single hesitation on my list! (Which just goes to show the importance in bringing your fears, concerns, and burdens to God, laying them at His feet, and then walking away! Invite Him to tackle your fears, after all, He's the giver of peace!)

Several weeks ago, while I was still fundraising for my trip, I was contacted by a friend of mine's sweet parents, Fred and Judy. They generously offered a 2 nights stay at an adorable rental cabin they own in Arkansas for me to auction off as a creative and fun way to help raise funds towards my trip! (Serious side note for a second...I absolutely love how God has used SO MANY people in such unique ways to be a part of the story He is writing in our lives! What a tremendous blessing it is to have people think outside of the box and offer their talents and resources in such generous ways for His purposes! Every single one of you over the past two years of our lives has your name written in RED on our calender! For real, it's the most humbling thing ever to have hundreds of you be a part of spreading the mission of God's love to others!) So.... Here's the really cool thing, once Judy found out that I was fully funded, she emailed me and said that she hoped I would still auction off the cabin and have the proceeds go towards the other Uganda team members who are still raising their support, that she doesn't even know! See now people, this is Jesus' love, and it makes me smile! So that's exactly what I'm doing this week, auctioning off Fred and Judy's beautiful rental cabin, with the highest bidder's winnings being split evenly between my amazing Uganda team members who are still in need of support!

Here are auction details...

Bidding will be open from Monday, January 2nd, until this Friday, January 6th, at 5pm. To place a bid, simply leave a comment on this post with your bid amount along with your name and email. If you're unable to leave a comment for some reason, you can also email me at hilmhelms@gmail.com leaving the same information and I will add your bid to this post. Minimum bid starts at $50. The highest bidder on Friday at 5pm wins and I'll be in touch with you to get you more details!

Here are the cabin details....

2 nights on any available days between now and March 31st (YES, Valentines Day and Spring Break fall during this time, just sayin'!). During that time it is trout fishing season in Arkansas, and the Little Missouri River has lots of rainbow and brown trout in it. The Diamond Mine in Murfreesboro (less than 10 miles away) is always open and is very popular for people with kids. The town of Murfreesboro, which is 4 miles away, is very small, but it has some very interesting shops and several good restaurants. The cabin is a 4-hour drive from the DFW area, mostly on I30.

Some pointers about the cabin: It has Directv on flat screen TVs in the living room and in both bedrooms, there are 2 DVD players, the cabin has central heat and air, the kitchen is fully equipped with dishes, silverware, pots and pans, a microwave, a coffee maker, a toaster, a blender, an electric can opener, plus a full refrigerator and a stove with a regular and convection oven. There are 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, one has a shower while the other has a tub with a shower; linens are furnished. The downstairs bedroom has a queen bed while the upstairs bedroom has 2 double beds. There is a queen pull-out sofa in the living room. The only negative that I can think of is you must go outside to go upstairs; there is a grate between the two stories for communicating. We have a gate which may be closed on the front porch to keep kids and pets on the porch when needed. There is a porch swing on the back porch overlooking the river as well as a double hammock, a charcoal grill, and a table and 4 chairs. On the front porch which faces the large front yard (nearly 2 acres) are 4 rocking chairs which we use to watch the deer come to the deer feeder. Be sure to check out the cabin website where availability is listed as well! Click HERE!

Feel free to spread the word and pass along to anyone you think might be interested! It's a win win, you get a fun little getaway AND you help some pretty amazing folks get to Uganda to love on orphans, teach pastors, and visit imprisoned children! Thanks in advance for joining the Uganda team in prayer and support!

Oh so busy... photo heavy post! (it's easier to re-cap that way!)

2011-12-18T15:54:00.001-06:00


Back in the BEGINNING of November (yes, that's how behind I am at blogging!) our church's orphan care ministry, Abba's Children, hosted it's very first respite event for children within the foster care system! It was a huge success and our prayer is that it blessed the families that we served! Many thanks to all our volunteers and to my co-leaders, Sunny and Rebekah, who poured so much of their time and energy into making this night happen! I would encourage EVERY orphan care ministry to host a night like this as an outreach and service to local foster families! At the end of November I decided to take the leap of faith and say yes to our church's upcoming trip to Uganda! Since then, I've stood back and watched God do His thing, like He ALWAYS does! In 15 days $2740 towards my goal of $3050 has graciously been taken care of, through the hands and feet of others being used by God!!! I'm still shaking my head in amazement! He is faithful! If you want to be a part of this amazing story God is putting together, and help me reach my $3050 goal, just click on the image above. I would be forever grateful! The first weekend of December, Abba's Children had it's first annual Christmas social/cookie exchange! I wish I had a picture from the afternoon, but apparently I was too busy socializing! Regardless, a great time was had spent in community with fellow families from our church that have a heart for the least of these! I continue to be amazing at how God is growing this ministry and bringing new families, each with their own story of how God broke their heart for the fatherless and how they want to make a difference in these precious children's lives! I pray that God continues to lead this ministry and bless it in ways I could never imagine! In the mix of it all, we've been busy getting stuff done around the house, from yard work (check out my little helper, cutie!).... To hanging Christmas lights! (Yes, that is Jude on the roof of our house with his daddy! What you can't see in this pictures is the nervous mama behind the camera! I got "cool mom points" that day for letting my boys be boys!) I also have been busy doing DYI projects inside the house! I managed to replicate a pallet idea I saw on pinterest and made this for our kitchen! We also made our annual trip to the tree farm to get our Christmas tree! This is a tradition that Joshua and I have done ever since we got married and we're determined to never let die!(Yes, we have talked about what the heck we're going to do when we move to Africa one day and what kind of tree we'll cut down! But it'll happen, rest assured!) Jude had his very first school performance! It was his Christmas show, and he did great! For an overly shy child, he doesn't seem to mind the stage! He sang ALL the words to the cute songs they sang and did the little hand motions with them and everything! He was thrilled to have my parents come to his school and watch him AND daddy took off of work to be there too! We even got to join him back in his classroom after the show for his Christmas party! This past week, I helped host my first school party for Jude's classroom, a Jesus Birthday Party! Call me crazy, but I was all nervous, not knowing exactly what to do (yes, I just said I was nervous to throw a party for a bunch of 4 year old kids! Make fun, go ahead!). Honestly, what it really came down to was not wanting the other mom's to think I did a crap job- which is also ridiculously silly that I care! Clearly I have issues! (o; That being said, I think it turned out pretty cute! I made up some birthday cupcakes with "Happy Birthday Jesus" toppers on them and brought my trusty Jesus Storybook Bible, and read them the "He is Here!" chapter, while they ate their cupcakes and snacks on the floor. The party was complete with the cutest little voices you've ever heard singing Happy Birthday to Jesus and blowing out a candle! Jude and I also made up these cute ornament twig crosses I saw on pinterest for each kid in the class as a gift (and when I say Jude "helped" I mean, he helped pick up the sticks- but I'll take what I can get!) Grams and Uncle James just came in for a Christmas visit from Atlanta! We had such a great time soaking in each others company! They arrived with a carload packed to the ceiling of goodies! Uncle James custom built a crib for Isa... and it's AWESOME!!! The boys put it together while James was in town and I'm simply amazed at the time and love that was put into this bed! Photos to come! Uncle James... this was by far the best Christmas gift you could ever give us! Thank you so much! I just know Isa is going to love it! Jude and Grams spent some quality time together making a gingerbread house. While they were in town, they got to join us for Joshua's Club 2412's, 2nd annual Battle of the Bands night! It was a huge success and is seriously such fun! $552.74 was raised toward the sponsorship of a sweet boy in Korah, Ethiopia through Project 61! The students have been sponsoring this precious boy for the past 2 years and this summer, Joshua is taking 8 graduating seniors to meet him! More on that later! (o; We also celebrated Christmas with Grams and Uncle James while they were here and Uncle Jame scored big with his Star Wars spaceship gift to Jude! I'm just not sure what boy likes playing with it more! (o; I'd also like to mention that we are now the proud owners of our very own iPad, thanks to Grams and Larry! What a fun gift that we're so grateful for! Now, while I'm in Uganda, I can Skype with the hubs! We will get much use out of this gift! Jude was so sad to see them leave last week! He asked me with tears in his eyes, "Why can't our home be their home?!".... I think he assumes since my family lives near by that all family should live nearby- so sweet! So that about does it! Busy, right?! Even Harley girl is tuckered out these days! (o;

Helms Happenings-Uganda Edition (Hilary Style)

2011-12-01T20:41:00.001-06:00

Friends and Fam,

I would like to first start off by saying thank you to each of you who have been faithfully following the story God is writing in our lives over the past two years! What a crazy amazing journey it has been so far! So many of your faces come to mind when I reflect on all the people that God has used to accomplish His work in our lives! Funny how almost two years ago we were certain that saying yes to adoption was the biggest leap of faith ever... little did we know the snowball affect it would have on our souls! God knew. I love that! Truly our journey to Isa is far bigger then we could have ever imagined! I love how one cautious, and even skeptical "YES" to God's call, has left us begging for more of His will in our lives! We are confident that God is equipping us, and growing us, and stretching us, for MORE! An upcoming trip to Uganda for me in February is just one more piece to this God-sized puzzle.

Joshua’s trip to Uganda back in July only confirmed the nudge we felt God was giving us to “GO” to Africa. He came home a changed man. He came home with a deeper passion for the people of Africa. He came home insistent that I go on this next trip! That being said, the business of every day life quickly seeped in after his return. It left me second-guessing whether or not I should go on this upcoming trip in February. Concerns that we would be too close to our referral for Isa have been wiped away with the slow down of movement on our wait list. Worries that we wouldn’t figure out the logistics of childcare for Jude with me gone have also been wiped away and are no longer an issue thanks to family willing to offer help. My other hesitations fears regarding the trip have been given a new perspective as God gently has reminded me that none of my fears are too big for Him to handle! He has cleared what I thought would be obvious roadblocks and paved a way for me to join this team! I have this unique window of opportunity before we bring Isa home to GO and experience for myself what Joshua was adamant I see with my own eyes, and hear with my own ears, and feel with my own heart. This is just another equipping opportunity for our family and the plans God has for us! I trust that God knew all along that I needed to be on this trip.

So, here is the gist of the trip…

I will be joining Preston Trail Community Church this February on their third trip to Uganda! While there, we will be visiting imprisoned children at remain centers (with Sixty Feet), hosting a conference and training Ugandan pastors and their wives (with HesedInternational), and we'll have the opportunity to love on some orphans at a couple local orphanages.

If you would like to know more about these incredible ministries we’ll be working with, check out their websites:

http://sixtyfeet.org/ (Near and dear to my heart!)

http://www.hesedinternational.org/

Here is how you how you can be part of the trip! (o;

First and foremost… PLEASE PRAY! Pray for our entire PTCC team, the ministries we’ll be working with, and safety over the entire trip!

Second, prayerfully consider financially supporting me. (Yes, I know in the past year we have fundraised a mere $28k for our adoption and then $3,300 for Joshua’s trip, and now we’re tackling another $3050 in order for me to go! Uh hum, have I mentioned that Joshua is taking a group of graduated seniors to Ethiopia this summer?!... More on that later, wink wink! Trust me, I know this seems nuts! This is one of the fears/hesitations I talked about earlier, that God is assuring me He is big enough to handle! He has always been faithful to fund His callings!)

We’ve each been asked to raise $3,050 total for the two-week trip (February 20th-March 2nd).

All donations are tax-deductible and can be made out to Preston Trail Community Church. Feel free to put my name on a sticky note and attach to the check, but please do NOT put my name in the memo for legal purposes. Please mail donations to our home at 8205 Sonnet Dr. McKinney, TX 75071, and we'll personally hand them over to the gal in charge. You can also give online through THIS LINK our church has set up. There is a section where you can "Choose the team member you are supporting" and my name is listed in that drop down section. Let me know if you have any questions!

Here are our support raising goals/deadlines:

$200 God already provided! Wahoo!

Raise $1500 by 12/15

Raise $2200 by 1/15

Raise $2800 by 2/15

Balance of $3050 by 3/15

I am looking forward to how God will change the lives of those in Africa, our team and you as a supporter! Have I mentioned how grateful we are?!?! Seriously, THANK YOU for your support and prayers!

Much love,

Hilary Helms

"This is for Sunday"

2011-12-01T00:11:00.001-06:00

God is faithful. It's true. Sometimes this truth sits heavier on my heart than others, and right now it's H-E-A-V-Y! Joshua got a phone call around 9pm tonight from our neighbor across the street. He asked if we were still up and if he could stop by real quick. The hubs says, "Sure thing, come on over!" I'm busy ironing while watching TV and Joshua answers the door and has him come on in. I do the typical, "Hey, how's it going?" over my shoulder thing, and he says, "Alright" over the noise of the too loud SNL I had recorded and was watching. I nonchalantly look up from my ironing board to see him standing by the couch with Joshua and a piece of paper folded in his hand. He simply handed Joshua the folded check and said, "This is for Sunday." Simple as that. A check for $200. Hmmm... God is faithful. Believe it.

He then proceeded to pull out his iPhone and look up the devotional that his wife had read earlier in the day. He read it out loud to us (love this). He then said his wife felt burdened to make sure we got this check today. Wow. God uses His people to get His work done.

To my neighbors, thank you! I pray you know my sincerity when I say that! God used you tonight to encourage me in a huge way! May you be blessed richly for your generosity and boldness to act on the nudge of the Holy Spirit!

Uganda Round Two

2011-11-29T17:09:00.000-06:00

These images are forever ingrained on Joshua's heart from his Uganda trip in July. He came home certain that I too needed to GO and see for myself! I agreed, wholeheartedly. I saw the spark (and maybe a manly tear or two) in his eye when he shared how God stirred his soul for the people and culture of Africa. I too fell more in love with Africa from Joshua's time there, the stories and images forever impacted my heart as well! It was a done deal, I was on the next trip!

I'm sure you would guess that I was the first one to sign up for this trip in February with our church, right?! Well not so much ... truth be told, the business of life seeped in and began to weigh in on my "gusto" to GO. So many hesitations swirled in my head...

What if we're really low on the wait list by then and we get a referral for Isa while I'm there?! There is no way we can logistically figure out childcare for Jude the entire time I'm gone! What if Jude has anxiety about me being gone? I mean after all, I'm so needed! (Ha!) Ugh, more fundraising! Seriously God?! I'm kinda over it! People are gonna think we're nuts, we've already raised over $30k this year! Plus it requires SO much faith, and sometimes I just don't have it! My plate is already full with mommy duties, wife responsibilities, and Abba's Children in full swing... I don't think I can tackle another thing!

You get the idea. "Life" began to filter what I was so sure was clear back in July! For months I've been in prayer over whether or not I should go on this trip. Truthfully, I've heard silence. I begged God for a clear answer if I should or shouldn't go. He didn't give it. I went to the first orientation meeting back in the beginning of October for those interested in the trip. As I sat there and listened to the details of what this upcoming trip includes and past experiences, my heart beat fast as it resurfaced the feelings that God had placed in the core of who I am. However, I left that meeting and shortly there after was confronted once again with the filter of my hesitations. Again I prayed, again I heard silence. Sign ups for the team came and went, all the while I was well aware of the deadline dates that I was missing to turn in my application. There was an "ugh" disappointment in my gut but I told myself that my concerns were valid and that God's silence must mean no? Still Uganda sat in the back of my mind. The team of people was set, an amazing team at that, I might add! I thought the ship had sailed and I missed my chance to jump on board.

Flash forward to Saturday, November 19th. Jude and I dropped daddy off before the sun even came up that morning at the church for him to head out with a team of about 40 others to Mexico for a short term mission trip. As we drove away from the church, with tears in my eyes (because I'm proud of my hubs and an emotional girl, I guess?!) Jude and I prayed for daddy and the group of others going. We prayed for the children they would serve at the orphanage, we prayed for safety and God's blessings on the trip, and we thanked God for such a great daddy... and in that moment I was instantly taken back to driving away from the airport in July after dropping Joshua off to go to Uganda. It was as if God was gently reminding me once again of Africa.

That very next day, Sunday, I was at church and on my way to get Jude checked into his classroom. Jason Kanapkey (co-leader of this upcoming Uganda trip) came up to me as I was walking and said, "You know it's not too late to join the team?! Just sayin'! Another gal dropped out of the trip, so there's room!". Wait... What?! This messed with my head. I had told myself the door was shut, the ship had sailed! Again, my heart beat fast and feelings of excitement resurfaced. Joshua called that night from Mexico to catch me up on the days projects they had worked on. I didn't share with him what Jason had said that morning. I did however ask Joshua, "So do you think I should go on the next Mexico trip?" His response took me back a bit, "Yeah, maybe, BUT... I think you should go to Uganda." Okay weird. What was going on?! He didn't know it was an option for me to still tag along on this trip- he was just saying what was on his heart. At this point I informed him that in fact there is room on the upcoming trip and it's apparently not too late for me to sign up! This made him smile, the kind of smile you can hear through a tone of voice. We committed to pray once again.

Tuesday, November 22nd, Joshua came home from Mexico. We chatted through all his incredible experiences he had while he was there and without intentionally doing so, he kept comparing almost everything to Uganda. I guess when you experience extreme poverty in two different regions on these levels, you unknowingly compare the two. I think it was once again a gentle reminder from God of the foundation of love He laid in our hearts in for Africa many months before.

Evening rolled around that night and I received a much anticipated email from our case worker from AGCI with our new November wait list number. I quickly scrolled through her message to find the important line that says, "Your new November # on the boys list is..." and my heart sank! We actually went UP one number, from #21 up to #22!!! I sighed loud enough for Joshua to hear it in the kitchen!

Hmmm... maybe God was up to something. Maybe my concern of us being close to Isa's referral by the time the trip comes around, wasn't such a concern after all?! Maybe God was beginning to wipe away my hesitations.

I hit my knees again asking God for an obvious answer if I was to go on this trip or not. I heard nothing. Crickets chirping, that's all. I decided it was probably a good idea to hash through my remaining list of concerns I had come up with. I invited God to give me His perspective over each hesitation on my list, and asked him to help me sort through what were my fears and what were legitimate issues. Recalling His incredible faithfulness in our lives over the past two years, God began to assure me that the fears on my list were not too big for Him to handle! He began to wipe away hesitation after hesitation.

At the end of the list I was left with ONE valid concern to figure out, childcare for our Jude man. Convinced that this was the clincher, I told Joshua, "There is just no way! My sister is the only possibly option and honestly, I don't even think she is an option! You would have to drop him off at her house at the butt crack of dawn (excuse my crudeness, but this is how the conversation unfolded) on your way to work every morning, it would be a pain to try and get the boys dropped off at school on the days they both go (their schools are on opposite sides of town), not to mention that she works and probably has a project or something she needs to tackle, PLUS... it's soccer season, so you're not going to get of of work until later! Yeah, there's no way!". Joshua heard me out and then said, "You may be right. And if so, there is your answer. But, why don't you at least ask to know you've covered all your basis?" Sigh... fair enough. So I reluctantly asked my sister if it was even an option for her to help out with Jude nine of the twelve days I would be gone, doing my best to assure her that there was absolutely no obligation or expectation on my end of the deal that she do this! I was simply convinced that she would say there just wasn't a way to swing it because of work or the logistics of it all!

Well, so much for roadblocks... Her exact response, "Of course we'll watch Jude! We can sit down and figure out how to best organize it..."! I'm pretty sure she just earned an extra jewel in her crown in heaven!

After hearing from her, I turned to Jude and asked "If mommy goes on this trip, I'm going to be gone for little while. Daddy will be here but Aunt Phoebe is going to have to watch you quite a bit and take you to school and pick you up, are you okay with that?" Jude, "Yes! Am I going to Aunt Phoebe's now? I can show her where my classroom is and maybe even Jake can come and see it! But you'll have to show her where to park. And when Jake is at school and I am not, I'll hang out with Aunt Phoebe and we'll be excited for Jake to be done with school!".... there you have it, hesitation wiped away! (o; Clearly I'm not as needed as I thought I was!

In what I perceived as God's silence to my prayers... every hesitation I have had, He has wiped away! (Well honestly, I am still freaked out about raising all the money... but I continue to reflect on His faithfulness and I have peace!) So maybe He's not so silent after all, maybe He just wanted me to remember how clear His voice was back in July and act on it?!

So you guessed it folks... I'm going to Uganda this February, last one to sign up (nice Hil!) but it's a done deal, I'm on this trip!!!! It's gonna be good!

If you don't think our little Helms family is crazy by the end of reading this, and you want to somehow support me going on this trip- you know we would be forever grateful! Big chunks of money are due in a an intimidatingly short amount of time, BUT God is faithful, He always blows our socks off, so I'm trusting Him despite my fears!

$200 due this Sunday

Raise $1500 by 12/15

Raise $2200 by 1/15

Raise $2800 by 2/15

Balance of $3050 by 3/15

Support letters are going on later this week, so keep an eye in the mail! And obviously if you have any questions, I'm an open book- so shoot me an email or call! Thank you in advance for loving our family and supporting us through prayer!

Fundraising and Faithfulness Re-cap of our Journey

2011-11-18T16:41:00.000-06:00

In the past couple weeks I've had several random conversations with people regarding fundraising for our adoption and how we went about the whole thing. As if to just reiterate the recent theme of conversation, I then got an email this morning from another gal who was asking any advice on fundraising because they're beginning an adoption as well and she wanted me to share what had worked for us. It ~~forced~~ encouraged me to look back over the past (almost) 2 years of our adoption story and recall the different ways that God provided! And man did it ever leave me shaking my head at God's goodness once again!

I thought there might be some of you out there that would benefit from hearing my response to the email I received this morning as well. Maybe you are on the fence about jumping into the sea of huge adoption fees that come with international adoption, but there seems to be a relentless nudge from the Holy Spirit to step out in faith regardless of the dollar signs and trust Him?! Let me urge you, if God has burdened you to "jump"... JUMP! Our family is living proof! God is faithful.

Okay, so first off, here are some of the fundraisers we took on and worked for us....

Our first "big" chunk of money was raised by doing an online auction of items/services that were donated by friends. I started by sending out a heartfelt email to my closest friends and family (both local and far away) asking them if they had a talent, service, or item they would be willing to donate towards our adoption for me to auction off. I was amazed at the response of people's willingness to get involved- not to mention their creativity and determination to find a way to offer something worthwhile to donate! I mean, a week getaway to a farmhouse?! Awesome! I gave the entire "set up" of the auction a month to get everything put together and hear back from everyone, all the while sending reminder emails and getting people's descriptions/details of the items they were donating. I started spreading the word about the auction dates about 2 weeks before it began, so people anticipated it. I set up a separate blog just for the auction that I could send people directly too, and I would highly recommend doing that. Here is the link to that blog, and it'll give a better idea of how it was set up.
http://helmshappenings-adoptionauction.blogspot.com/
This auction brought in $1455 towards out adoption! God is faithful.

Another big fundraiser we did was our adoption yard sale. This one required the most work on our behalf honestly, but also brought in the most money! If you've ever done a garage sale, then you know the prep work going into it is killer! Pricing items and organizing the garage is a beating! But here again, I sent an email out to local friends and asked if they had items that were thinking of giving to goodwill that they might be willing to give to us instead! I'm truly a minimalist and so even after going through our entire house searching for anything we could possibly put in a garage sale, there was barely anything! So... this project really did require the help of others who were purging through their stuff (and made me grateful for the hoarders in my life, ha!)- and when all was said and done, we had TWO garages (our neighbors generously let us use their garage too) FULL of stuff to sell! Good stuff too, like furniture and refrigerators... big ticket items! The key with the yard sale is to get the word out there! Advertise like crazy on Craigslist and post that the proceeds are going towards your adoption! Post pictures of the best stuff you're selling too! We had several people buy things before the actual yard sale off of Craigslist and give MORE than what we were asking, because they read about our adoption. Link everything back to your blog. The day of the actual yard sale, we did have a table set up with info on Ethiopia and a sign letting people know that all the proceeds were going towards bringing our baby home- but honestly, the majority of the people that were shopping the garage sale didn't speak English (depending on the area you live, that may be different), and so I don't think they were even aware of what the sale was all about. Don't take offense when they want to haggle the $1 candle sticks down to .$25, and you're sitting there thinking to yourself, "But it's going towards our adoption people, you can't seriously swing $1!?!?!". Even just one cent is that much closer to your goal! The adoption yard sale brought in $2121 towards our adoption!
http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2010/09/garage-sale-success.html God is faithful.

If you have a talent or craft, or for instance your mom or mom-in-law likes to sew, like my mine... you can always do these simple side projects and auction them off! These Africa t-shirts have brought in a good chunk of money- probably close to $500 or so! The totes have easily brought in over $500 as well! I suggest promoting them on both your blog and FB. I typically have more "lookers" on FB and that's where I have auctioned off almost all the shirts and bag/totes. http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2010/05/mom-hil-project.html God is faithful.

I make the adoption countdown walls for adopting families and they have raised about $400 or so just making them here and there when an order gets placed. I actually just shipped one off today! http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/p/adoption-countdown-wall.html God is faithful.

Here's the deal though... what I think you'll find is that God will provide in ways you NEVER imagined and use other people in ways you NEVER imagined! You'll find that you may have others who think outside of the box on your behalf... and it'll simply bring you to your knees in humility and gratitude! I have MORE stories of the roles others have played in funding our adoption, than I actually have of the ways we came up with the money!

Take sweet Kalisha, one of Joshua's former students for example, who sold our An Inexhaustible t-shirts for us at the high school and raised $1000 towards our adoption! http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2010/07/1000-what.html God is faithful.

OR the lady from my mom's bible study who hosted a little bake sale on our behalf without us even knowing and sent us a check for $150... http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2010/07/another-blessing.html God is faithful.

OR the stranger who stopped by our yard sale, heard our story, and generously offered her photography talent to do a photo shoot raffle where folks bought $5 tickets for the chance to win a photo package with her. That brought in just over $500! http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2010/11/photo-shoot-raffle-winner.html God is faithful.

OR you might go to your mailbox one day and find a note with $4 tucked inside from the sweet 9 year old boy on your street! You WILL cry, trust me! (o;
http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2011/01/sweetest-note-ever.html God is faithful.

OR I can mention my sister's friend from college who took it upon herself to go shopping at garage sales for cheap stuff, and clean it up- then resale it at a consignment event- and then send us all the proceeds from her hard earned money! She sent a check for $75 towards our adoption. http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2010/09/nudge-of-god.html God is faithful.

OR the day I went to grab the mail and we received a check for $1500 from another adopting family that we had NEVER met! The following day, no joke, another adopting family, who we had NEVER met as well, sent a donation for $500!!! Both of these families were also fundraising towards their adoptions! There are moments you will simply be left speechless! http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2010/10/youre-not-going-to-believe-this.html God is faithful.

OR just when I thought God simply couldn't show off anymore, I came home from running errands the next day (after receiving the $2k from the adopting families) and nonchalantly checked my email only to find a pending donation of $845.26 from my old Promisland Sunday school teacher who lead me to Christ! Her donation was the exact amount needed to turn in our dossier and get put on the wait list with our agency! http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2010/10/youre-not-going-to-believe-this.html God is faithful.

OR one of my lifeguards that had worked for me one summer at camp, Lenora, that I hadn't heard from in 5 years who randomly contacted me and said she wanted to give us $1000 that she was given from her dad's trust fund! The only catch was, it needed to be tax deductible. Well, let's face it, there are no roadblocks too big for God! Which leads me to encouraging you to apply for grants!...
http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2011/01/lenora.html God is faithful.

I highly recommend checking out both Lifesong for Orphans and ShowHope for adoption grants! We applied for both and we're blessed with one. We were approved for a Matching Grant of $3000 from Lifesong for Orphans! This opened up the floodgates of people willing to give towards our adoption! Because it was tax deductible sweet lifeguard Lenora was the first to give towards our grant with her $1000 gift! The stories are endless of the generous hearts that God used to meet every need along the way! I mean, crazy generous, make you say, "WHAT?!" kinda generous, like this particular family that gave $2,750 towards our matching grant! http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2010/10/youre-not-going-to-believe-this.html God is faithful.

Our grant from Lifesong was by far our biggest amount of money raised! Today we have $10,667.21 sitting in our Lifesong account waiting to be used once we get our referral! http://helmshappenings-ethiopia.blogspot.com/2011/01/one-yep-and-one-nope.html God is faithful.

I wish I could share every single story of how God provided- but I would seriously have to write a book! This is just a snip-it of His goodness! Every story is written down and documented, so we never forget! I would encourage you to do the same in your journey! Give Him the glory along the way! You get the idea, God is faithful! Yes, fundraising is one of the ways God provides, think creatively, bust your butt and do your part to bring in extra money... BUT always know at the end of the day, HE'S GOT THIS! HE WILL ROCK YOUR FACE OFF!!! HANG ON!!!

The meaning of Isa's name

2011-11-07T14:04:00.000-06:00

Last week after eying these board/signs on pinterest (I'm sure they have a more legit name, I just don't know what else to call them!) I naively decided that, "I could totally do that! AND save myself a good chunk of money!". Well, let's just say that the ambitious creative Hilary that I thought I was quickly left about half way through cutting out the card-stock stencil letters with a box cutter (that's right, you heard me, box cutter...because crafty me doesn't own an x-acto knife)! It became very apparent to me that the people that sell these signs no way spend this much time cutting out homemade stencils! What I've since discovered is that they probably use one of those glorious and super nifty silhouette machine thingy's or something similar! Lucky them! That expensive bad boy can get added to the wish list of items that will never realistically get purchased in my lifetime! With a cramped hand and a kinked neck, I finished up my first board project at like midnight and was torn whether I loved it or hated the darn thing it because of all the unexpected time I had to put into it! But after after a night of rest, some advil, and a the fresh perspective of a new day- I decided I was happy with it!...

So... I did what every normal person would do, and decided to make another one! Joshua came home from work the next day and saw me sitting at the kitchen table in deep concentration cutting more stencils and was like, "Seriously Hilary?!". The thing is, after I finished the first one, all it did was inspire me to want to make more for around the house! And once I get something in my head- I'm determined to make it happen!

I've been working on Isa's room over the past couple months a little here and there, when I have the time. Walls are painted, world map is hung, handmade bed (thank you Uncle James!) is on it's way in December, and so I decided it needed an extra little piece of artwork to hang in there too! The one thing we love most about Isa's name (besides the fact that it doesn't scream "white boy"... when clearly he will not be that!) is the meaning of his name...

Isa \i-sa\ , is a variant of Isaac (Hebrew) and Isaiah (Hebrew), and the meaning of Isa is "laughter; salvation of God; the Lord helps me"... good stuff, right?!

So, as a reminder to him and to us, this board will be hung in his room!

You know that leaves me feeling like I need to make one for Jude's room now too! We just have to wait and see if Ambitious & Creative Hilary comes back out again anytime soon!

My lil Superhero

2011-10-28T15:11:00.000-05:00

We have our very own Clark Kent in the family these days, ready to rescue and keeping us safe! Our little superhero is ready for some trick-o-treating this Monday! I love his heart that always desires to be the "good guy" in life! May he keep that quality about him always!

the REAL obscenty...

2011-10-28T13:58:00.001-05:00

I have no doubt this video will ruffle some feathers... so be it. (o; What's the real obscenity?!

Drought is inevitable, but famine is not. Congress can help keep our commitment to farmers in developing countries by fully funding Feed the Future— a life-changing USAID initiative that is investing in long-term agricultural development and could help put an end to famine for good.
Please sign the petition to Congress calling on them to fund this vital program:
http://act.one.org/sign/hungry_no_more_us
Thank you!

Perfect Timing

2011-10-25T11:50:00.000-05:00

At the end of last week we received our monthly email from our agency with our official October wait list number... #21! Down TWO spots from last month- yeah, I know you're probably thinking... that's not crazy fun movement! My fingers were crossed that this month's number might have been in the teens, but no such luck! The unpredictability of it all is sometimes a kick in the gut! I hate to even sound remotely like a "Debbie Downer" about it though, because here's the deal, I've been convicted over this before... while moving only 2 spots might seem a little "blah"... try saying that to the TWO PRECIOUS LIVES that were forever changed and given a family! TWO vulnerable and orphaned children that had no hope, now have a loving mommy and daddy! TWO families that have been desperately waiting for the referral of the newest addition to their family finally received that much anticipated, infamous phone call from our agency that will forever be ingrained in their minds! TWO families saw their child's face for the very first time this month and now it's become oh so real WHO they are fighting to bring home! No doubt, God is smiling with tears of joy in His eyes over this TWO spot move! And so I chose to celebrate this victory as well! Isa's day is coming, all in God's perfect timing! And oh how I will do the happy dance when that ONE spot move is to our sweet boy Isa!

In the meantime, I'm doing my best to soak in the joys of being a mama to our tender-hearted Jude. I don't want to be so caught up in the wait for Isa, that I miss the here and now with Jude. I'm daily reminded that this window of opportunity to pour into his life is so small in the grand scheme of things. This truth leaves me on my knees, daily, begging for God's guidance and wisdom in how to intentionally parent our little man. And I'll tell you one thing, keeping an eternal perspective in parenting requires some serious intentionality! It is so easy for me to get caught up in the grind and routine of every day life so much so that it absorbs every last drop of guidance I have to offer Jude. I pray for wisdom, boldness, time, creativity, and compassion in intentionally finding moments to teach Jude about the eternal, bigger purpose of his life! This past year (after going to the C4C retreat and having a conversation on the road trip home with Mitzi and Courtney) my eyes were opened up to the importance in praying the fullness of the Holy Spirit into his life. I desire for Jude to truly know how God sees him. How God loves him. How God created him and uniquely wired him for a purpose, a bigger purpose, a God purpose. How God already views him as purified and made right (or as Jude likes to say, "A good guy"). How God has rescued him and how, as His children, our lives are to reflect that.

While teaching Jude these truths is my hearts desire as his mom- the reality of it is, I am still trying to teach myself these truths! Seriously... this is deep stuff to wrap my mind around, I have so much to learn! I've only skimmed the surface of knowing and believing the goodness and power of the Holy Spirit. All I know is, the more I learn, the more I'm amazed! The more I trust, the more of my life I want to give to His purposes. Just this morning I was once again taken back at how God uses the Holy Spirit to bless our lives! I dropped Jude off at school and was driving home, it's about a 20 minute ride, perfect for some quality prayer time. I specifically prayed that God would continue to give me confidence and reassurance in His timing over our adoption process. I prayed that I would stay rooted in the truth that God is in control. I prayed that He would provide comfort and peace in knowing His ways are far better than mine. I'm just here to tell ya folks... the Holy Spirit is faithful to nudge His people to act on His behalf! I came home and opened my email and the first thing I found was a comment left this very morning on my previous blog post....

"Because you know many adoptive families I am sure you have heard this BUT...the wait is so orchestrated by the Lord. I waited for 15 years for mr. man to say "yes", then 2 1/2 to finally hold my boy in my arms. When you do get that referral and meet your son you will be AMAZED and so unbelievably grateful for the wait. The month and year we signed up with our agency was the month/year that Hudson was born. We asked to review the file of another little boy while we were waiting but we were "2nd" in line for him and his family was right before us. Even signing up for Special Needs when we did was God ordained (we started out on the "healthy girl list")......I had another adoptive mom tell me when we began the process "just know, the Lord will slow things down and speed things up just when He needs to, He's got it"....it is SO VERY HARD in the wait, I will not pretend that I do not remember the ache in my heart for my child who I didn't even know if they were a boy or girl BUT....like labor, it all is ok when they are placed in your arms. At one point while we were waiting on China for their final approval and we were about 2 weeks past due I cried to Mark that certianly the Lord knows it would be better for Hudson to be with us NOW..not LATER...being an adoptive child himself (at almost 9) and living among foster homes and an orphanage this smart man said "if the Lord is asking us to wait it is for good..Hudson may need more time to bond with his nanny so he can bond with us better, his nanny may need more time to say goodbye, our bio kids may need more time, the favor of officials"...for whatever reason the wait, it is for HIS glory!...... bottom line, the wait will not be waisted and I admire your strength in it!!"

How awesome is that?! I love that my God hears my prayers and is faithful to creatively use the hands and feet of others to answer them! Thank you Sharon for being obedient to the Holy Spirit's nudge to write this, this very morning to me! Thank you God for using Sharon to answer my prayer! Again, the more I see the Holy Spirit at work, the more I'm amazed!

I'm excited to share with Jude this afternoon the way God uses others to bless our life!

The Wait- ONE YEAR

2011-10-14T15:14:00.000-05:00

Jude is ready for his brother, his mom is too! While sitting in the Firestone Auto Repair parking lot, patiently waiting on daddy to get the keys to our other car (that had to get a new alternator, boo!), I turned the music up, unbuckled myself, and turned around from the drivers seat so that I could face Jude in the backseat. In my oh so "hip" Hilary fashion, I started singing obnoxiously with the song on the radio, using my hand as a microphone, eyes closed for dramatic effect- this typically is a sure fire way to crack a smile out of my little man. He knows talent when he sees it! Ha! I had drug the poor kid around running errands in the car all day and he hadn't napped, so I knew time was ticking before he was over being in the car! He was blessed with my awesome little concert for a few minutes before he interrupted me, mid-song mind you, and said very seriously, "Mom, I want Isa home, it's been a really long time that we've had to wait!". I turned the radio down (taking the cue that he was over my singing), and told him I totally agreed, it has been a long time! You see, this month marks us being on the wait list for ONE YEAR! Keep in mind too, that just because we've been on the wait list for a year- we started the paper chase process, in order to get on the wait list, back in June... so it's been well over a year that this 4 year old's little world has had to wait! We never knew going into this that the wait would be this long. Honestly, when we jumped into this journey, our naive selves hoped and prayed that Isa would be home this past summer (to our credit, the given wait time when we started the process was 6-9 months)! Little did we know! BUT despite the twists and turns and changes of timing along the way, there has been a strange peace, peace that can only come from God. It's with confidence that I say God is using this time to equip us, and pour His truth into us, and use us as His hands and feet. The past year of our lives has been like none other! From ministry opportunities, to cherished relationships being established, to catching a glimpse of seeing Jesus in a more intimate way, to having our hearts moved for Africa so much so that we feel God is calling us to move there someday! All of these blessings in our life would not be so without the wait. Yes, I grit my teeth as I say this- because I wish all this goodness could happen WITHOUT the wait! But it has all been possible because OF THE WAIT!

When my patient heart grows weary Lord, may I continually reflect on the worth and treasured moments of this past year and thank you for Your perfect timing! (That being said, if you would like to speed this process up, Joshua and I are totally game, and so is Jude! Feel free!) In all seriousness though, I know and trust without a shadow of a doubt, that God is at work, orchestrating every detail, so our sweet Isa will be here soon enough! Hanging on His truth!

And the good just keeps comin'!

2011-10-07T20:50:00.000-05:00

Last night, Abba's Children got to welcome home their newest member, sweet Noah! This baby boy was truly prayed home over the past couple days, and God moved mountains and shined in mighty ways to join this precious child with his mommy and daddy! I can't even begin to tell you the roller coaster ride this journey has been for them! But one thing is for certain... there is power in prayer friends! I have had the privilege to join with an incredible body of believers that God has already brought to Abba's Children, and genuinely cover this family in earnest prayer in times of uncertainty and in cheers of joy in times of victory! I stand in awe of all that God has done just since this past Tuesday! CrAzy!

Amy and Nathan (mommy & daddy) are one of my partner's in crime in being co-leader's of Abba's Children and have genuinely been a God-send to me in coming along side of launching this ministry! The comradery that comes with doing life and ministry together is like none other and after walking this journey with them, I cherish their friendship on a level I can't even put to words! One of those friendships where you find yourself teary because you love 'em so much and you're so darn proud of them for living out the gospel in a tangible way! I'm honored to call them "friend"!

Up until the last minute, I honestly didn't know if we would be greeting this family in their driveway with an empty car seat in their hands and tears in their eyes to wrap our arms around them and grieve a loss with them OR if baby would be in tow and we would party it up and celebrate the miracle of another child given a forever family! Either way, we were committed to be there in that driveway to support them, in the joys AND the heartbreak that can come with adoption! Each time we've had a welcome home party, God never ceases to amaze me and show up and bring His people with Him! It was truly a powerful evening of celebrating a car seat with a precious baby boy in tow! Okay, enough chat from me! The video of the evening speaks for itself! God is good, we stand in awe!

Abba's Launch Video from Sunday!

2011-10-06T16:16:00.000-05:00

Sunday's Abba's Children launch was incredible! Truly, I'm overwhelmed and moved to tears just thinking about it. God showed up, He stirred hearts, and the truth of His love was evident! Not sure I should really be surprised! I never ceased to be amazed at God's ability to show up when He's invited!

The current message series is on "What's Your Story?" and one of our senior pastors, Jim Johnson, shared his personal testimony of how God's story has been woven into his life from the very beginning. God truly used Jim's sermon to prepare hearts for the element that Abba's Children ended the service with.

Each family that participated in this element has the unique story of adoption woven into their lives. It was a privilege to stand on stage next to these amazing families! As you'll see, the beginning of the video was playing on the side screens while the band sang the song, and then at the end of the song, all the families that were shown in the video walked out in the end singing the chorus. Truly, we are all Children of God! Without further ado... here is the video from Sunday!

Over a year in the making... would you come?

2011-09-27T12:01:00.000-05:00

Remember THIS POST that I wrote just over a year ago? Or THIS ONE about six months ago? Man, I love looking back and seeing how God works and orchestrates conversations and meetings, all for His glory!

Here's a sneak peak of something you'll see on Sunday!

Well, THIS Sunday, October 2nd, a big step towards God's vision is being fulfilled! Preston Trail Community Church's orphan care ministry, Abba's Children, that I have the privilege of heading up, is officially being launched! All the prayer, all the discussions, all the meetings, all the time and effort put into developing this ministry are coming to fruition! I am so stinking excited!!!

I feel like this ministry launch is my proud moment to brag on how God has brought it all together! That being said, I just want to invite anyone local to come this Sunday to Preston Trail, to catch a glimpse of what God has been up to! I honestly can't think of anything that would mean more to me than to have those I care about there this Sunday. I know many of you have your own home church that you go to, and that several of you can't even remember the last time you stepped foot into a church... don't worry I'm not asking you to switch church's and I'm not expecting to see you every Sunday from here on out... BUT if you'd be willing to come this one Sunday, I would be so honored! Growing up, I never was in theater or involved in a performance of any kind, but I can only imagine I would have felt the same way as I do now, hoping that my friends and family would come and see what I've been pouring my heart and time into. It's gonna be good, I promise!

I'm confident that God will show up and I'd love it if you did to!

Church services are at 9:15am and 11am! You can click HERE for directions on how to get there!

Abba's Children

2011-09-13T12:39:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh!!! I just realized it's been FOREVER since I've updated about our church's unfolding orphan care ministry, Abba's Children, that is about to officially launch October 2nd! Exciting stuff is happening folks! Over the past several months, we've been dreaming, planning, praying, and developing Abba's Children and we've watched God stir hearts, answer prayers, provide leadership, and confirm that His heart truly does break for those in need. If I'm honest, there are times where I'm flat out overwhelmed considering all that God has in store for this ministry and the responsibility that comes with that as one of it's leaders. I've mentioned it before, but the fear of inadequacy and not meeting expectations is a constant battle for me. I'm regularly reminded that God likes my dependency on Him and He is leading this, not me. I'm so glad my only responsibility is to be obedient to what He asks of me, and then He'll do the work! Despite my fears, there is an underlying peace and joy as I trust in God's ability to develop and mold this ministry into what He desires! He has already proven to be so faithful!

So October 2nd is our "official" launch and I'm super pumped about it! We're going to be incorporating a powerful worship element that echoes God's heart that we are ALL adopted children of God. I would share, what we're doing, but I don't want to spoil the surprise- trust me, it's gonna be good! I'm hoping to have this element captured on video, I'll post it here afterward for ya'll to see if we do in fact video it! After both services we're going to have a table set up with our leadership team ready to answer questions and hand out info with our upcoming events! I pray specifically that God's love would be reflected well, that the announcement of this ministry would come a blessing for families who have longed for support, that seeds would be planted in the hearts of those God desires to rise up to possibly pursue adoption/foster care, that souls would be burdened to make a forever impact in a child's life resulting in them taking the next step and signing up for our upcoming events, and that above all else, His name would be glorified! Would you join me in prayer for our Oct 2nd launch?

Even though we have yet to launch, God has already gathered a core group of passionate people who love orphans! It makes me smile to have seen first hand how sweet friendships have formed, how the power for prayer has knit families together, how heartfelt conversations and laughter have gone late into the night, and how we have CELEBRATED along side of one another as children have been joined with their forever families!!! This past weekend we were able to have have our 2nd Abba's Children Airport Welcome Home for one of our sweet families, the Stows! After a long and faithful journey to their precious son "L", they were finally able to bring him home from Ethiopia and begin their new adventure as a family of 4 (they also have an adopted daughter from China). Here are some pictures from their homecoming! Enjoy!

What we desire for our boys

2011-09-07T17:52:00.000-05:00

I can't even begin to tell you how many prayers I've shot up to God begging Him for guidance in this crazy thing we call parenthood! Often my prayer goes something like this... "Please Lord, don't let me jack my kid up! Cover me in your grace... AND cover Jude's ears and heart from anything I say or do that doesn't reflect you well!" If you're a mama, I'm sure you'd agree, we just desperately want the best for our children and hope that we don't get in the way of just that!

Lately there has been a reoccurring theme surrounding me (you know the kind, everywhere you turn, there seems to be an obvious trend of topic. Whether it's the book I'm reading, the message at church, or conversations with friends). Typically this means (eh, I take that back, this ALWAYS means) God is trying to speak to me. God apparently also likes to use life circumstances to push my thoughts towards a topic He's particularly trying to drill home in my life...

I was driving Jude to his first day of Pre- K yesterday and was suddenly hit with the realization that my little man is growing up! Yes, I know... this shouldn't have come as a surprise to me! All kids do it (it's true), I've had 4 years to prep myself for it, yet I felt like I had blinked and my chubby baby (more like little sumo wrestler) had become a slender pre-school big boy in a matter of seconds! I was bombarded with the reality that time is so precious and that investing in that time is everything! This sappy sentimental mom moment carried my thoughts to yet again, you guessed it, the oh so persistent, reoccurring topic! Here it is...

What is our deepest desire for Jude (and Isa) in this life? And how are Joshua and I, as the parents, cultivating in him (them) this desire?

As we sort through what our prayers, hopes, and dreams are for our boys and their future, I can't think of a better way to capture our ultimate desire for their lives than this...

"My daily prayer is that God would use (your) victories, wounds, and transgressions forged along the way to encourage others to risk losing everything to know the life God dreams for them, for you...
Your journey will be where God's pleasure and your purpose meet, not mine. Your destination is the same as mine- an intimate encounter between you and your Creator- but your route will be filled with adventures, both mild and wild, made just for you. No less challenging. No less exhilarating. Uniquely yours. As when Abraham placed Isaac on the altar, when we're ready to risk what we hold most sacred, we step into that adventurous life, the only one that matters. There we find our purpose and feel His pleasure- His delight in us. Beaming with the Light of His image, we clearly see the exact dream He holds for each one of us. In that Light and life, we find Him- our passport through darkness. " (Excellent book! Totally recommend reading it!!!)Passport Through Darkness by Kimberly L. Smith

The resounding answer to the second question (what are we doing to cultivate this desire in him?) that keeps starring us in the face... LIVE IT! Simple as that. God continues to confirm in our hearts that if we desire for Jude to live a life or reckless abandonment, sold out for God's purposes- then we sure as heck better be doing the same! Talk about accountability! When fear creeps in and doubt weighs heavy on my heart, thinking about Jude's little 4 year old eyes watching, soaking in every decision we make, brings me to my knees in prayer. I find myself begging for the courage and wisdom to live "this life on the edge- where so much is uncertain, maybe even scary, certainly out of our control; but also where true freedom lives" .... so that, Jude will do the same with his life! (Kimberly L Smith)

More than success, more than family, more than the American dream..... I wish for my children God's story, God's dream, and the courage to live it!

And I continue to pray and probably always will, "Lord, please don't let me jack up my kid!" (o;

I can only imagine that this message/topic continues to surround me because I'm a slow learner and need constant reminding!

For entertainment purposes I've included Jude's video of his first day of Pre-K yesterday! Enjoy our silly conversation at the end of the video about transformers and his Capri-Sun!

Beautiful Outlaw

2011-09-04T17:50:00.000-05:00

Guess what?! Remember a couple posts below when I was sharing about my husband's zest for John Eldredge? How the last monthly Ransomed Heart Ministry newsletter captured my heart and attention so much so that I just had to share a snippet from it?! Well, lo and behold, I opened my email last week and found a message from a gal with the Ransomed Heart Ministry team saying they had read my post! To top it off, I also had a comment on the post from the executive assistant of John and Stacy Eldredge!!! What?! (Okay, I'll admit, I was a tiny bit flattered/intimidated for a moment at the thought that ANYONE from a well known ministry, let alone anyone who isn't family or close friends, read a post I wrote! That being said, flattery is fleeting and I'm well aware that it wasn't my crazy mad writing skills that caught their eye, rather a simple google search of "John Eldredge" or "Ransomed Heart Ministry" that just so happened to pop up my blog- but whatever, I'm still excited about it!)

They were grateful for the encouraging words I had to say about John's writing, and let me know that the portion of the newsletter that I liked so much, was in fact taken from John's upcoming book- Jesus_Beautiful Outlaw. You ready for this?... Here's the best part.... they're sending me a signed copy of the book as a gift!!! (Now at this point, if I had been thinkin' ahead, I totally would have taken advantage of the fact that my husband's birthday is next month and kept this a secret, resulting in winning the wife of the year award as I handed over the book signed by his real life hero! But instead, in classic Hilary style, I got so excited because I knew he would be excited, that I blurted it out the moment he walked in the door from work! I stink at keeping good news to myself! But his reaction was well worth my outburst as his mouth hit the floor and he quickly called his mom and brother to brag that he's getting a signed copy of John's book! Totally made his day!) They simply asked that if I liked the book, that I would write a review about it here on the blog! Uhm.... Gladly! There's no question, after checking out this short video trailer about Beautiful Outlaw, I am already hooked and can't wait to read it and let ya'll know what I think! It's gonna be a good one folks! You should check it out too!!!

And yes, in case you're wondering, this only furthered my husband's love affair with John Eldredge! (o;

Entertaining Chats...

2011-08-24T00:15:00.000-05:00

I thought I would share just a couple of my latest chats with Jude as of late, enjoy!

We drove by a field fire off of a nearby interstate the other day, and after Jude noticed the smoke, with a concerned tone....

Jude: Mom, what caused that fire?!
Me: I don't know bud, but I'm guessing it's because the grass is really dry from the lack of rain, so it probably caught on fire a lot easier.
Jude: Well mom, the grass won't burn... God lives inside the grass. (said very matter of fact)
Me: (chuckle) No, Jude- God doesn't live inside the grass. He made the grass, but he doesn't live inside it.
Jude: Uhm mom... Remember Moses and the bush! (with a "duh" attitude) The leaves didn't burn on the bush because God lived inside of it! Remember?
Me: Oh my goodness Jude, you crack me up! Yes, I remember. But that wasn't normal. Moses was surprised to see that the bush wasn't burning because that's not the way fire normally works.
Jude: Well, I'm just saying, God could be in that fire. He could mom, just don't argue with me.
Me: Sigh... sure Jude, whatever you say (as I shake my head at this entire conversation!)
We haven't read this bible story in weeks- but the kid is memorizing his entire Jesus Storybook Bible... I mean, he LOVES it!

While eating breakfast several weeks ago...

Jude: Mom, I love this toast, the stuff that is gooey on the inside is soooo good!

Me: Yeah, that's the cinnamon and sugar, it's good stuff!

Jude: Yeah, the cinnamon and sugar are like the same thing, just in different forms.

Me: Uhm, yeah- kinda I guess.

Then he leaned in and whispered to me, as if he were telling me a secret, "It's like God and Jesus, mom- they're the same thing... just in different forms!"...

How crazy is that?! I swear he has a direct connection with God!

That same day we were driving in the car talking about when he grows up and "has a family of his own"... to which he informed me he DOESN'T want a family of his own, he wants to "live with mommy and daddy FOREVER!". I told him that just because he gets married and has his own family, it doesn't make him not our family- it just means that we ADD to our family. So then he says totally matter of factly, "So, I'll say... Wife, come to my home?" ... I laughed and said, "Sure, she can come to our home- but don't call her wife, call her by her name"- ha! He sat there in the backseat for awhile quietly with the wheels turning, and then all the sudden says, "Mom, I think I'm going to be SO nervous when I get older!" I said, "For what bud?" and he said, "To get a wife!... I'm nervous just thinking about it!".... Cracks me up! What a goof!

And last but not least, today, Jude hurried over to me this morning with a worried expression and his Hulk action figure in hand...

Jude: Mom, look! Hulk doesn't have any freckles on his nose like me! How am I going to be Incredible Hulk when I grow up?!

Oh how the thoughts of a 4 year old keep me entertained! There is no greater joy than being a mama!

Isa

2011-08-22T15:17:00.000-05:00

Isa,

I feel like your brother in this picture, staring off into the distance, hoping, waiting, and day dreaming about YOU. Sigh... I'm thinking about you today Isa! I think about you every day. I wonder what you'll look like. I wonder about your little personality. I wonder what you'll feel like in my arms the very first time I hold you. I wonder what your sweet cry sounds like. I wonder what your skin smells like. I imagine the first time I look into your eyes and how in that moment, everything will make sense. All the waiting will make sense, because you'll finally be in my arms. I can hardly contain my smile as I think about that day. My thoughts are consumed with what your story is. I'm already broken over your circumstances, even though I don't know what they are. I am praying for you in this very moment. I am praying that God Himself is with you, and protecting you, and loving you, and providing for you. I miss you, and I don't even know you yet. I love you Isa, and your daddy and I are coming for you, I promise. We are doing our best to patiently wait on the Lord's timing and we are trusting that God is still at work preparing the way for you to come home, it's just not time yet, He's still putting pieces of the puzzle together. I don't know if you're born yet or if you're a couple months old- but I do know that God has instilled a love for you in our hearts that runs deep and compels us to want to fight for you. A God given love. You are worth fighting for, you are important, you are God's child and He values YOU. God is using YOU in big ways in your mommy and daddy's life, to transform us, and refine us, and grow us, and challenge us to desire God's dream for our lives more than our own! You are part of God's dream in our life. We are not the same because of YOU. Thank you Isa. I can't wait to hear your laughter in the other room and kiss you goodnight after snuggles in bed. I pray that you feel my love in this moment, even as I sit here in Texas as you are in Ethiopia. Your mama loves you!
Thinking about you today sweet boy,
Mom

John Eldredge and my Hubby

2011-08-18T19:13:00.001-05:00

If you know my husband at all, you've probably discovered that he is quite possibly the biggest John Eldredge fan ever! No joke, I'm pretty sure he references the book Wild at Heart at least once a month... and please keep in mind, he read the book like over 7 years ago! Don't get me wrong, I love Joshua's enthusiasm (it's a bit comical at times) but regardless, I too think that most of what Elredge writes about is pretty spot on. Joshua's love for the "whole wild at heart" thing shouldn't come as a surprise really- it's right up his alley! His childhood years were spent immersed in being a boy scout and let's not forget to mention the fact that the two of us met at a high adventure youth camp! Joshua is all boy and all adventure!

That being said, one of the many reason I love my husband is this... he's all about raising Jude (and Isa) to grow up and be men who know the importance of seeking the incredible story God has for them. Joshua often talks about how one day when the boys are around 12 or so, how he can't wait to take each one of them on a "coming of age" trip. As father and son they'll set out on a crazy (nerve-racking for mama) outdoorsy sort of trip where he can just spend quality time with them and talk over the big things that life throws at them, all the while exploring in God's beautiful creation. Joshua is a father who's heart genuinely wants to teach his boys about the love of our Father and guide them as they discover glimpses of who Jesus really is. I am so grateful to be married to a man who longs to teach our children about their true purpose of simply loving God and loving others well.

Bare with me, I have a point in sharing with you my husband's zest for John Eldredge. You see, once a month we get these newsletters from Ransomed Heart Ministries (Surprise! You guessed it, headed up by John Eldredge!). Normally, if I'm honest- I don't read the letters, I just hand them off to the hubs since it's kinda "his thing". Yesterday however, I had him read it out loud to me as we were relaxing in our living room after putting Jude to bed for the night. As Joshua was reading, I found myself in awe of my Jesus once again! The truth that John shared about the humility of Jesus, captured my heart! So much so in fact, that I wanted to share with ya'll! (Did I too just get sucked into the John Eldridge fan club?!)

Here we go, Enjoy! (I'm starting mid-letter):

.... Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient... (Philippians 2)

"Humbled himself?"

Humility hardly begins to describe the Incarnation.

That's like saying it would be a humble thing for you to become a goldfish, to live in the bowl, in a fishy world, trying to help those other fishies become something more like Phoenixes. It boggles the mind. The eternal Son of God, "Light of light, very God of very God... one substance with the Father," spent nine months developing in Mary's uterus. Jesus passed through her birth canal. He had to learn to walk. The Word of God had to learn to talk. He who calls the stars by name had to learn the names of everything, just as you did. "This is a cup. Can you say cup? Cuuup." For ages upon ages, his generous hand fed every creature on earth; now it is he that has to be fed, spoon fed, drooling most of it down his chin like any other toddler. The Son of God doesn't even know how to tie his shoes. Someone had to teach him how to tie those sandals John the Baptist said none of us were worthy to untie. "The rabbit goes around the tree and down through the hole... like that. Now you try it." Picture seven year old Jesus in the shop out back, learning form Joseph how to use a hammer and saw. He who hung galaxies in such perfect poise, like a hundred billion mobiles, has to be shown how to nail two boards together.

I take my shoes off. The humility of this is beyond words.

Remember- Jesus wasn't faking it when he took on his humanity. Think of the implications. He who never tires, never slumbers accepted the need for sleep. Every night. How deep was the exhaustion that kept him dozing right through the gale, waves crashing over the boat? Jesus ate, every day, breakfast, lunch and dinner; he needed to. He had to trim his toenails. He who clothes the lilies of the field with greater glory than Solomon's splendor had to do his laundry, squatting riverside, rinsing the dust from his worn garments like any other peasant.

What about the humility of simply getting from here to there by means of walking?

We read that Jesus "left Judea and went back once more to Galilee" and don't pause to wonder--- how far was that? More than one hundred and twenty miles. A four to five day journey on foot, pushing sunup to sundown. When was the last time you walked four days straight? We pass right over phrases like, "Jesus went up to Jerusalem" as though it happened quick as we read it, like he ran across the street for a quart of milk. Bethany to Cana is roughly seventy miles; back down to Jerusalem is another forty-five plus. Jesus is making these trips all the time. He who once rode "on the wings of the wind" is now getting around only as fast as his two sore feet will carry him. Hours and hours, for days and months upon end, just... walking.

God--who is in all places at all times--has to get from one place to another like a guy who can't even come up with bus fare. The beauty of this is enough to make me weep.

The more we discover Jesus for who he really is--freed from the religious veils, all the goofy images--the more we will fall in love with him! And the more we will experience him for ourselves, which is the best hope of all...... by John Eldridge

Good stuff, right?!?! Thought provoking. Just wanted to share! (o;

Fam Photo's

2011-08-15T21:34:00.000-05:00

With Joshua headed back to school we've been getting his classroom set up for the new year- and as everyone knows (well at least I think most women would agree), it wouldn't be complete without some cute new family photos for his desk! So I thought this weekend was as good as any to head out and snap a couple of the three of us! Another good excuse for some new pics is the fact that Jude is growing like a weed these days and our last family photos have him lookin' a bit "babyish". Which he'll quickly tell you, he is no more! Seriously, he is such a little man these days both in looks and in conversation! I can't tell you often I shake my head in amazement at how grown up he is! I'll have to share about some of our recent conversations in a later post, I have a deep thinker on my hands for sure!

While taking these pictures, I've gotta admit, I can't help but have my thoughts go to next year, wondering if maybe just maybe our family picture will look a little different?! My heart desperately hopes to have little Isa on my hip and Jude by my side, in next years classroom photos! This mama's prayers are often for a child on the other side of the world that I know nothing about and how I can't wait to stare into this his face and know that this wait was so worth it!

So for now, because we already consider Isa part of the family, it wouldn't be complete to not somehow include him in the photo, here below is our creative attempt of making sure he is apart! (o;

Here are some other's from the weekend that we took too! I was excited to find two new fun locations for photo's while driving around! I'm always on the look out for potential photo opportunities and was thrilled to find both the tracks and the old barn super close to home! It's the little things that make this girl happy! (o; Hope you like 'em!

Growing up fast!

My little peanut butter, I could just eat him up!

Mama and her boy

The hubs and I. Celebrating 7 years of marriage this October- I'm a lucky gal!

Our lil fam

The oh so many faces of Jude! Cracks me up!

Jude was thrilled to walk on the train tracks!

Jude's all proud of himself for being up on the fence

Baby blues staring off at something

The three of us, soon to be FOUR of us!

So... there you have it! Glad I have a flexible husband that is cool with getting drug around to random spots to take pictures and lucky I have a boy that is used to having a camera propped up on a tripod and smiling while waiting for a timer to go off! (o;

Much love, Hil

Africa oh Africa... you consume our thoughts!

2011-08-05T22:54:00.001-05:00

For those who haven't seen the video that my hubs put together of his life changing trip to Uganda... here you have it! My man has officially been home for one week now and it's still the buzz of conversation that consumes us! Unknowingly, we manage to bring almost anything and everything back around to Africa, which to outsiders probably gets super annoying- but thankfully we're both equally (dorky) and passionate about how God is stirring our hearts- so we loose ourselves in chat about how the desire to go continues to weigh heavy on us! I pray it always consumes our conversations and even more so, our lives! We continue to pray over what it really looks like to "risk the ocean, it's only grace"... more and more, I'm convinced it looks far different then what the world says it should look like. We are confident that God is equipping us, and growing us, and stretching us, for MORE. Funny how almost a year and half ago we were certain that saying yes to adoption was the biggest leap of faith ever... little did we know the snowball affect it would have on our souls! I love that our journey to Isa is far bigger then we could have ever imagined! I can't wait to tell Isa one day of all the ways God transformed our hearts as we began this adoption adventure! I love how one cautious, and even skeptical "YES" to God's call, can leave you begging for more of His will in your life! A sweet friend of mine, Gwen, once said- "I suck at being God, He does the job so much better!"... and it's true! When we say "YES" to His story and let go of our own.... watch out, A-MAZ-ING things are about to happen!

At this point, obviously our main focus is to get our sweet boy Isa home! This is still going to take some time, so we're doing our best to be patient. That being said, I'll unashamedly admit how my "request" to God continues to be that hopefully, just maybe, with my fingers crossed, a whole heckava lot of wishful thinking, and maybe some extra prayers from sweet friends like yourselves (wink, wink), that perhaps we'll have a referral around Christmas time or shortly thereafter (and yes, I'm holding loosely to this desire....kinda, sorta!) It's not until after Isa is home and we're well adjusted as a family, confident that he is well attached to us as his mom and dad, that we'll be able to act on this burden to move to Africa. I don't know what that timeframe looks like- I'm giving it to God and trusting that we'll know when the time is right for our family. For today however, we trust that God is planting seeds and opening our eyes to places He is so evidently at work. We trust that He will lead the way. Joshua knows for certain he fell in love with the amazing ministry, Amazima while he was there in Uganda. He loves what they're all about, he sees God moving there, and he feels in his gut that it's a ministry we could potentially be involved in one day.... now whether we actually ever are or not, I have no idea! For all I know, by the time we're in a place that we can actually go- there may not be a need at Amazima for us. All I know is that Joshua experienced a little slice of what heaven is like while he was there, his heart beat fast, and he was drawn to ways this ministry was so obviously the hands and feet of Christ to hundreds of children! So... we are choosing to make mental note of that at this point and are committed to earnestly pray blessings on this incredible ministry! Who knows how it'll unfold?!

Going back to my previously mentioned point of how it's going to take some time to get Isa home, I wanted to keep you in the loop with the latest happenings that contribute to the wait. Today actually marked the beginning of the "rainy season" in Ethiopia and the courts actually close and will stay closed for about 2 months. To better explain, here is the court closure Q&A that our agency sent out just in case this intrigues you (which unless you're interested adopting from Ethiopia, I'm guessing not, but here you have it anyway)...

Court Closure Q&A

Q: When do the Courts close?
A: The Court closure occurs each year for approximately 2 months in August and September. The actual dates of closure and reopening vary from year to year.

Q: When do we find out when the Courts close?
A: The dates for this year’s closure have not been released. Typically, we do not receive advance notification of when the closure is to begin and end, but our staff at Hannah’s Hope do notify our office as soon as possible after they hear word.

Q: Why do the Courts close?
A: Many refer to this time of year in Ethiopia as “rainy season.” It is definitely true that Ethiopia experiences a good amount of rain during this time of the year and it can make getting to work a bit tricky at times. However, we can also look at the Courts closing for a recess period as the staff’s opportunity for a vacation.

Q: Do the Courts still accept new cases and issue court appointments during the closure?
A: Every year is different in exactly how the Courts operate during the closure/recess period. In some years, they have been completely shut down. In other years, the Courts accepted new cases into their “cue” then once they reopened, court appointments were issued. Even last year, we were able to submit new cases and received a few court appointment notices, but the appointments were not set to occur until October. Unfortunately, it is not clear how the Courts will operate or not operate during this year’s closure, but our staff will continue to submit new cases until the Courts no longer accept them.

Q: Is MOWA also closed during the period of time the Courts are closed?
A: The Federal Courts of Addis Ababa and the Ministry of Women’s Affairs (MOWA) are separate government offices, though they must work in partnership to complete adoption cases. MOWA does not typically close while the Courts are closed. We are hoping that given that MOWA is supposedly processing around 10 cases a day, they will continue to review cases and issue opinion letters to the Courts during this court closure period. Historically, though, we have seen that the motivation of MOWA to process cases and issue letters during the court closure has been low, since the Courts were not open to process the cases.

Q: Will the Courts process MOWA opinion letters that are issued during the closure?
A: It is not clear at this time if, during this court closure, the Courts will process the letters from MOWA for cases that have already completed court appointments. It is our hope that these letters will continue to be processed so pending cases can be approved, but again, right now there is no clarity on this.

Q: Can families still travel for the second trip and complete a visa appointment with the US Embassy to bring their child(ren) home during the closure?
A: _You bet! The visa appointment is conducted at the US Embassy, which is part of the US government. The Embassy has historically been open and processing cases and visas during the time the Courts are closed. We have seen times in the past where the Embassy processes fewer cases during the closure time, but the US Embassy holds complete jurisdiction over its processing of cases.

Q: Can children still be assigned and admitted into Hannah’s Hope then referred to their forever families during the Court closure?
A: Yes, children can still come into Hannah’s Hope through government-licensed orphanages and referred to adoptive families while the Courts are on recess. One thing to keep in mind is that a great deal of investigation and follow up work must go into each child’s history before a child can be referred, and this can slow things down a bit at the front end of a child’s process. Overall, there is never a set or average number of children who will come into Hannah’s Hope and/or referred to their forever families in any given month, and August and September are no exception.

So.... that about does it! As always, we're grateful for your prayers and love!

Powerful Images

2011-07-31T22:01:00.000-05:00

I'm at a loss for words right now as far as how to summarize Joshua's time in Uganda. I think it's safe to say, however, that it was a life changing trip for him (and me too for that matter, even though I wasn't there- I truly feel changed and blessed by his experience!) At this point I think he's just processing through all the heart breaking images he saw, the sweet conversations that occurred, and the emotional burden on his heart to do more. I'm totally engrossed in all his stories and find myself unknowingly smiling as I hear him talk, excited for what God is doing in our life and so very proud to be his wife. He shares how he experienced God in unique and amazing ways with eyes full of tears. He'll be the first to say that he's a changed man from this trip.

I've been going through Joshua's pictures and starring at every little detail. Soaking in the images that captivate such a stark difference of beauty and poverty, joy and hopelessness. I'm not sure what to make of it all yet, and I don't think Joshua knows either. I guess it's all just part of processing it all. Regardless, we're impacted in a profound way.

I thought I would leave you with some of the powerful images that the team experienced first hand, so you too, could ask yourself what God might have you do? ... You can listen to our new favorite song too while you scroll through the photos...

The Journey Home

2011-07-27T22:58:00.000-05:00

The journey home for my man is just about under way! It's almost 11pm here making it 7am there in Uganda and the team has probably already crawled out of bed and begun their day! This morning they will wrap up the Pastor's Conference that they've been teaching for the past 3 days, grab a sack lunch, throw their luggage in the van, and then begin their trek back to the airport in Kampala (about a 2 hour drive from Jinja)! It's at this point that I realize just how crazy long the travel is to Uganda- because although he is "technically" coming home today- he doesn't arrive in Dallas until 1:30pmish until Friday- and that's with gaining 8 hours coming home! C-R-A-Z-Y! Honestly, the whole time difference just confuses the heck out of me! All I know is... Friday afternoon is going to be a good day for Jude and I- daddy will be home! Wahoo!

It's getting late and I'm exhausted, so while I have so much to share about how amazing the past several days for Joshua have been.... there is no way I can sum it up real quick and make it to bed before midnight! So... I'll leave you with more pictures that the team has been posted on facebook- and let the photo's speak for themselves! Truly, I am so excited to hash through all the details of the trip with Joshua when he gets home and is really able to process through all that he has experienced! No doubt, this has been a life changing trip for him! He's insistent that I go on the next trip, which is January! So we shall see!!!

The PTCC team and the Bishop and his wife

Joshua teaching at the conference

More teaching- clearly his gift... and NOT mine! (o;

Giving his testimony at a remote church this past Sunday

Sunday church

Precious child. The ladies visited Food for Children and this is one of the children that is there.

A common site

The ladies at Food for Children, an amazing ministry!

Quite possibly one of the cutest babies ever!

I wonder what he thinks of American kids consumed with what they're going to wear to school?!

Powerful image to me.

Amazima (means "truth" in the Lugandan language)

2011-07-23T15:12:00.000-05:00

I thought I would share some more pictures with you that were posted on the Uganda 2011 Facebook just a bit ago from the team's time in Jinja today working with a truly incredible ministry run by a young girl named Katie, Amazima! They were able to participate in Amazima's Community Outreach feeding program, packing lunches for over 300 kids! Joshua and I weren't able to keep our Skype connection today because I guess electricity has been on and off there all day (no surprise, this is a common thing in Uganda) and they're running on back up generators. However, for a couple of precious minutes we were able to connect and I was able to see a spark in Joshua's eye and a passion in his voice for what he had experienced today! Despite the awkward delay where our voices weren't matching up with our mouths moving and the fact that we kept interrupting each other because of it... one thing was clear... my hubby experienced our Heavenly Father in a unique way today! I walked away from our conversation knowing one thing is for certain, Joshua's heart is being stirred for far greater things! Please pray for Katie and the work she is doing in the lives of so many precious Ugandan people, both young and old! Please pray for continued clarity and wisdom for Joshua and he processes through this trip and all that God is doing in and through him! Please pray that, while we know this trip is just another piece to the puzzle that God is putting together in our lives, ultimately, as a family we would seek God above all else and have the courage to live our lives in reckless abandonment for His names sake! Thank you for your prayers, we truly are forever grateful! I'll let the pictures speak for themselves! Enjoy!

Pictures Speak

2011-07-22T15:54:00.000-05:00

Sometimes pictures speak louder then words.... The time at Kamiringisia, my husband was left speechless.

Lovin' on kids & praying for them

This particular boy asked that Joshua pray for knowledge so he does well in school. Sweet child.

The faces of God's children

Lining up outside for the items our team brought for them

Where the kids hang out during the day

Please continue to pray for these children. I first heard of Kampiringisa in February at an adoption retreat, I would have never thought that 5 months later my husband would actually be there, seeing with his own eyes, what broke my heart through a documentary! Only God. If you think of it, please pray for Joshua and the rest of the team as they process through all that they are experiencing.

I've been blessed to Skype with my hubby every day and catch a glimpse of the amazing work God is doing in and through the entire team! Truly incredible!

Skype- it's a good thing!

2011-07-20T15:43:00.000-05:00

Guess who's face we got to see today?! That's right... Joshua was able to SKYPE from Uganda this afternoon (10pm Uganda time). Thank heaven for modern day technology! He was able to borrow a team members iPhone, for which I'm so grateful- thank you Michael! I must admit... it sure made the iPhone/iPad get scooched to the top of the Helms family wish list!

The PTCC team men meeting with one of the ministry leaders today.
I think this is Moses from Sixty Feet... but that's just a guess?
(I'm totally snagging this pictures off of FB as other team members post them,
hope that's okay! There wasn't a description under this photo. )

I've never been so excited to see that blue little "S" skype logo start jumping up and down and hear the ring come through! My eyes had that happy teary thing going on as I hit "connect" and his face showed up on the screen! We were able to catch up on his day and I ran through my list of questions for him. The short of it is... the entire team is doing great! They're all pretty exhausted from their first full day there with the jet lag and all... but I think they'll all sleep well tonight! They spent the day meeting with two incredible leaders from two different ministries- both of which serve the unfairly imprisoned children there outside of the capitol, Kampala. I don't think they actually spent any time with the children today, just met with the leaders. Tomorrow is when they'll head to Kampiringisa and be with the children. Again, prayers for the entire team tomorrow as no doubt, it'll take an emotional tole on all their hearts!

Jude was down for a nap when Joshua Skyped in... so after talking to Joshua for a bit, I told him to hang on for a second and went and grabbed Jude out of bed. He had just fallen into that crazy deep delirious stage of sleep and so he literally never woke up as I picked him up. I walked into the computer room, carrying Jude like a limp noodle with his head unconscious on my shoulder. Joshua's face was on the computer screen- but Jude's head was turned the other way, so he didn't notice. I sat down in the chair and Joshua whispered, "Hey buddy!"... Jude's head immediately shot straight up and his eyes were wide as saucers looking around. I'll tell you what, my boy knows his daddy's voice from anywhere! I told Jude to look at the screen and the instant he saw Joshua he yelled, "Daddy!!!" and reached out for his face! Melts my heart! He just kept interrupting in a soft voice, "Daddy!" the entire time in between Joshua and I's conversation, as though he was just soaking in the fact that he could see and hear his daddy. Then at some point Jude remembered that Joshua still had his Finn McMissile (that I mentioned in a previous post). He asked daddy if he was taking pictures of Finn in Africa on adventures- to which daddy assured him he was. Jude told him all about the new "upgraded" Finn McMissile he got to replace the one that was left in daddy's pocket the other day. Joshua doubled checked with Jude to make sure it was still okay with him to give the Finn he had to a little boy who doesn't have any cars tomorrow at Kampiringisa. "Sure thing daddy! That'll be a good choice!"

Jude and his new upgraded Finn McMissile eating their afternoon snack!
(Sorry for the poor quality photo, the hubs has the camera with him!)

So I'm a happy camper having heard from my man today! Thank you for the continued prayers for the team as they are serving in Uganda! I'll keep you posted as I hear more!

Uganda Soil!

2011-07-19T23:07:00.000-05:00

They made it! Today around 2:30pm US (CDT) the Preston Trail Team made it onto Uganda soil after nearly 24 hours worth of travel! Can I just say that I'm breathing a lot easier now knowing that my hubs and the entire team are safe and sound, in a hotel with all their luggage, and nothing crazy to report! It's so weird to not know when and if I'll here from Joshua, which leaves me so incredibly grateful for Mark Powell (the husband of our director of compassion ministries, Nancy, who is on this trip) keeping us in the loop as he hears from the team! Like any stalking wife would, I've been keeping a close eye on all Facebook status updates on the Uganda 2011 page, and I get so super excited anytime I see new info posted! Joshua was actually able to post on my FB wall, "Love u so much. We r in and going to bed. Love and miss u and Jude. Will try again when wifi is better"... To which I squealed with excitement to know for certain all was well! I guess he was able to borrow someone's laptop or iPhone while there because he doesn't have either- so to whoever that individual is... you rock! Thank you! I miss him so much already and genuinely feel like I can sense the distance just knowing he is so far away, which is a strange feeling to have.

I will say however, that this bittersweet feeling I had as I drove away from the airport yesterday is definitely being replaced with more sweet rather then bitter! My heart is beating a little faster now that I know they're there and they can hit the ground running! I feel like God has restored an excitement for all that He is going to do in and through this team over the next 10 days of ministry! I pray that God has far greater things up His sleeve than we can imagine! I pray Christ's love would radiate from each one of the team members in such a way that the lives of those they come in contact with are forever changed!

As I type this, it's 6:30am Uganda time and the sun is rising for their first full day! Today they will be working with a ministry that is meeting the needs of orphaned children. I know that both today and tomorrow (when they go to Kampiringisa) are going to take a toll on Joshua's emotions. We talked in length about these two days before he left and we agreed that God clearly was stirring our hearts in BIG ways for these children! We both are heavily burdened for "the least of these" in a way that I can't really even put into words. Since this past February when I went to an adoption retreat (Created for Care) and first learned of these children that are unfairly and unjustly imprisoned, through an incredible documentary called Bereaved by Sixty Feet, I have not gone a SINGLE NIGHT without thinking of them! I'm regularly brought to tears at the thought of these children and find myself genuinely broken to do something! The only thing is... I don't know what "something" is at this point. I'm not sure what God is up to exactly- all I know is that He's broken our hearts for these imprisoned children and we want to respond accordingly. If you think of it, please pray specifically for Joshua to be able to discern the tug of the Holy Spirit and for compassion and grace to pour out of him onto these sweet children!

I'll end with this, because I've thought of this quote often when I think of Uganda... while reading the book From Ashes to Africa (BTW, totally recommend!) the author quotes a lifelong mentor of his, Ken Gire, who said, "Any time art touches your life with tears, whether through a story, song, film or painting, it was wise to pay attention to those tears because your tears could help you find your heart. And if you found your heart, you found what was dear to God. If you found what was dear to God, you found the answer to how you should live your life.".....

Below are several pictures of Nancy Poweel's from PTCC's last trip to Kamiringisa back in January that capture just a glimmer of what life is like there for these kids!

Picture from the PTCC's Team back in January at Kampiringisa

This is what their mattresses look like

Cooking lunch

The outside

They were all lined up to get a piece of soap, a pencil and a lollipop... and grateful.

And the Adventure Begins!

2011-07-18T15:55:00.000-05:00

The Uganda Crew

It's official, my better half is at the airport and due to depart at 3:40pm today for Uganda! The Jude man and I got Joshua all loaded up this morning, grabbed a quick bite to eat at Chick-fil-a (because let's face it, it may be the best food my man gets to eat for the next two weeks), headed to the church to meet up with the rest of the incredible Uganda team and pray (10 of them in total), and then loaded up into 5 vehicles and caravanned to the airport. Jude and I opted to park and go inside with daddy so we weren't as rushed to say bye at the drop off zone (the cop guys that monitor that area always make me all nervous & I always feel like I'm getting the evil eye to hurry it up when I'm saying my fair-wells, so I just avoided it all together today, for the sake of my emotions!) Everyone made it there safe and sound, unloaded an insane amount of luggage for the airport dude to stack up on the dolly, and then got in a long line to check all the bags.

The team getting ready to pray and head to the airport

I could feel the lump in my throat start to creep up on me, knowing that it was that time- the time to hug and say goodbye to my partner in crime. Sigh. The realization that I wasn't tagging along on this trip suddenly was upon me. This go around, it was Joshua's turn to go on behalf of our little family, and I'm finding it a bitter sweet thing. You see, we do everything together- so this is all new to me. The only time we've really ever been apart in 7 years is when he's gone twice now to grade essays at this AP reader thing in Colorado for one week out of the year. I'm not the wife of a traveling business man, so this is all out of routine for me, my emotions run high at goodbyes. Maybe that's why God knew that I needed to marry a teacher who would be home all the time! Go ahead, you can roll your eyes at me- clearly I'm needy. (o;

The teams luggage all stacked up!

As most of you probably already know, Jude is quite the daddy's boy! They are such buddies and Jude truly adores Joshua! We've been talking about Uganda and daddy going on this trip for a while now and so Jude has a pretty good understanding of why he's going and what all he's going to be doing when he's there. I think the more important thing to Jude frankly is that "Daddy is coming home, right?!"... anytime we mention Uganda, Jude will always follow it up with that question- to which we respond with a resounding YES! Talk about tugging on my heart strings though! As a mama, you want nothing more then for your child to feel secure and loved- and I knew that his reaction today in saying bye to his daddy would make or break me! Thankfully... Jude kept it together! He gave daddy the sweetest little hug ever and kiss and was his shy little self, knowing that everyone in line was looking at him. It wasn't until we were walking back out into the parking garage, holding my hand, that he softly said, "Mom... I want daddy" in a genuinely sad voice. Then, as quick as that thought was there, it was as if it triggered him to remember that daddy accidently still had his new Finn McMissile toy car in his pocket, "Mom! We have to go back! Daddy has my Finn in his pocket still!!!". At this point, going back, weaving our way through long line of people and luggage for a toy car was not an option! I quickly came up with a story about how Finn would be on an awesome adventure in Africa with daddy and how daddy would bring him home safe and sound! That once Finn was home, Jude would be able to tell everyone that his Finn had been to Africa and on a plane and all sorts of fun. Sure that this would sound so super cool to him, I paused... to which Jude said, "I don't like this story". Ha! Well, I tried. I had a little chat with the hubs letting him know that Finn was in fact still in his custody and he let Jude know he would take pictures of him and Finn in all sorts of cool places throughout the trip & that Jude could buy a new one so that daddy could give this Finn to a little boy who doesn't have any cars to play with. Jude agreed, that this was a great idea.

One of the guys just sent this picture of their plane for the first leg of the flight
Praying for safety!

And so.. that leads me to now. Jude's nap time is over and we are headed to Walmart to buy a new Finn or some other Cars 2 vehicle of his liking! My man's plane should be taking off in about 10 minutes or so for his first stop in Amsterdam and then onto Rwanda and then Uganda! By 2pm tomorrow the team should arrive, hopefully not too jet lagged!

If you want to keep up with the trip you can follow them on Facebook under Uganda 2011!

I'll post more soon!

Think Great Thoughts

2011-07-06T16:10:00.000-05:00

Have you ever found yourself reading an amazing book or article and thought to yourself, "Wow, now THIS is some good stuff! I totally wish I could hand a copy of this book to everyone I pass on the street!"? Well, I had just that experience yesterday! I finished up a particular chapter in a book and as I reflected on it I found it so convicting, true, and spot on that I just wanted to share a glimpse of what I read with ya'll! Who knows, maybe just maybe, it'll spark an interest in someone to go get the book and read all the other good stuff it's chalked full of!

I know, I know, you're wondering what the heck this book is, right?! Well, my mom is letting me borrow the book "ME the me I want to be- becoming God's best version of you" by John Ortberg, and while I'm not going to pretend to have read the whole thing... yet... this one chapter in particular called Think Great Thoughts is about how powerful our thoughts are in determining what our life looks like- and I'm just sayin' it's a crazy good chapter! I think all of us would have much to gain in realizing just how much our thoughts have an enormous power over our lives! Here's a story he shares that paints the picture so well... Enjoy!

"My friend Danny went spelunking in the caves of Iowa. The man guiding took him deep underground, then said he would lead Danny through a passageway into a spectacular chamber. The passageway was small enough that Danny had to stoop at first. Then as it grew still smaller, he had to get on his hands and knees. Eventually the only way to go forward was to lay on his back and push his body forward with his feet. Then the ceiling was so low that when he inhaled he could not move at all! He had to stop, inhale, and exhale, and only then was his chest low enough to allow him to move. By this point is was physically impossible to back out. If the passageway had gotten any smaller they would have lain there and died in that cave.
Danny is a sky-diving, mountain-climbing, hang-gliding thrill-seeker, but there in that cave he felt sheer panic. He was terrified, He tried fighting his fear, but he kept picturing his dead body moldering in the cave. Finally, he told his guide he was about to lose it, and the guide said, "Danny, close your eyes and listen to my voice. I will keep talking, calmly, and guide you through this. We will be okay. I have been here before. I will get you to the other side. But you must listen to my voice. It will not work for you to let your thoughts run wild. Just focus on my voice."
Danny did so. What freed him from panic and fear was not trying hard to quite thinking fearful thoughts. It was listening to another voice.
What voice do you listen to when you're in the cave and it's dark, when the ceiling is low and you can't back out? The Spirit longs to flow in our minds all the time. One reason why people have found memorizing Scripture helpful is that it helps us listen to the voice of our guide when we are in the cave. I might miss a second serve, but the Spirit will remind me that I am still God's beloved child. I might be criticized, but the Spirit will remind me that truth and grace are always my friend. The Spirit desires his presence to be a river of life- of love and joy and peace- through each moment of the day."

He goes on later in the chapter to say...

"Even twenty years ago, researchers thought that the adult brain was genetically determined and structurally unchangeable. But they have since found that even into adulthood the brain is amazingly changeable- it has neuroplasticity. Which synapses remain and which ones wither away depends on your mental habits. Those that carry no traffic go out of business like bus routes with no customers. Those that get heavily trafficked get stronger and thicker. The mind shapes the brain. Neurons that wire together fire together. In other words, when you practice hope, love, or joy, your mind is actually, literally, rewiring your brain!"

Isn't that good stuff?! I'm not sure if I'm doing the chapter justice by only sharing those two little tid-bits... but no way am I retyping the whole thing! I think on a good day, I can only type 40WPM so, yeah, it's not happening! (On a side note, it's stinking hard to type looking down at a book and not up at the computer screen to see what you're typing like normal!) This chapter served as a good reminder to me that even when our adoption process seems confusing and full of unknowns, and I feel like I'm walking blindly- I don't need to focus on the circumstances, rather- just stay focused on God. I want to "set my mind on things above, not on earthly things" (Colossians 3:2) therefore having a life that is full of joy and peace- trusting that God is leading the way. I'm listening to His voice in the cave.

That being said, I get that what I call a "cave" in my life, is actually a "well lit room" in other's life. The unknowns in our adoption don't compare to some of the dark caves that others are trapped in! As I was reading, I was burdened for several individuals that I love and care about. I thought about each of their life circumstance, from the tragedy of loosing a child, to a broken marriage, to a life-threatening disease, to crippling mental illness, to the struggle of flat out being dealt a crap hand in life... leaving them swimming in a sea of negative thoughts, depressed and hopeless. Sick at heart. They feel trapped in a dark cave and their voice isn't telling them truth. I cry out on their behalf and pray that the TRUTH of the Holy Spirit's voice would scream above their own fears and doubts! I pray for peace and joy in their life and that the truth of God's love would releases them from the paralyzing grip of their negative thoughts! "Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." (Romans 12:2 NLT). I pray in this very moment that God would heal their hopeless hearts so that they are able to truly become God's best version of themselves!

Amen!

Discerning the Voice of God

2011-07-02T16:49:00.000-05:00

The past couple months have brought with it an element of uncertainty within our adoption. From statements issued by MOWA back in March that they would only be processing 5 cases a day (in essence cutting adoptions by 90%, which could extend our wait time up to 7 years!) to more recent news from our agency last week that MOWA has indicated that they are currently processing 10 cases per day, one thing still remains the same... uncertainty. Ugh- not a word I'm a huge fan of! What it comes down to is... I have no stinking idea how this is all going to pan out, and I'm not going to pretend to! All I know is that slowly but surely, referrals are still going out within our agency and families are still passing court. I could totally be wrong (because after all, what do I know?!), but it seems to me that things are happening at a quicker rate then 10 cases a day?! Don't get me wrong, we're not zooming right along by any means! In fact, I feel like we're creeping. BUT we have not come to a screeching halt either, which I find encouraging! Joshua and I have said from the get go that unless there is a definite stop in movement OR God is super clear in directing us elsewhere, we would stay put. Honestly, I don't know if that's silly parameters to put on the process, but they make sense to us because this journey has never been our agenda, but has been entirely God-led, so we trust wholeheartedly that He lead us to Ethiopia for a reason. We didn't get where we are on our own, that's for sure!

That being said- I need to be real for a moment and say there have been numerous times I have second guessed whether we're stupid for staying put! Self-doubt is my worst enemy! All the unknowns that surround the Ethiopia program have rightfully so, triggered several families to leave the program and pursue other avenues of adoption. In fact, several of these families are my closest friends in the adoption world that I have come to love and treasure their friendships. Hear me when I say, each one of these families has their own unique story of how the Holy Spirit has undoubtedly prompted them to go a different route. I want to be very clear in saying we, 100%, support their decision and trust that God is leading the way in each of their stories to their children! My point is, when I look around me and so many people are "jumping ship" and I'm staying put- I start to wonder if maybe I didn't get the memo from God to change course. Make sense?

Trust me when I say, I've had many nightly chats with God about the fact that I need Him to just shoot me straight and be blatantly clear stressing the fact that I'm not good at subtle signs. The hubs and I have prayed for God's direction during the past couple months more times then I can count and I want to assure you that we are whole heartedly pursuing His will for our family! At this point we simply feel like God is telling us, "Stay put". The other reoccurring answer when we pray for His direction is, "Wait on Uganda.". Hmmm... Now you're probably asking yourself, "Uganda?" As many of you might recall though, Joshua is heading to Uganda at the end of July on a mission trip with our church and while I'm confident that God is going to do big things in and through the team while they're there- I have no idea why, "Wait on Uganda" continues to be an answer to prayer when we're begging for direction. I'm not even sure the two answers correspond with one another?

Our hearts are burdened for getting Isa home all the while we're burdened for Africa and feeling the tug of the Holy Spirit to "go" at some point down the road. So, I can speculate all day long on the different things I think "Wait on Uganda" means- but that just leaves room for me to get in the way of Him. And so, I simply trust. For now, we stay put with the Ethiopia program unless it comes to a halt and we would reevaluate what to do at that point. And... We wait on Uganda- for whatever reason.

Below are some solid truths I've found myself returning to and rereading from a study I did last year called, Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer. Seriously... excellent study that I would highly recommend! I'm praying for clarity to distinguish the difference between my voice and God's voice... I liked what these key point had to say. I hope they speak to you too!

"He sees the end from the beginning and seeks to guide us through this life."

"We can be free from the burden of trying to make things happen when we know He promises to fulfill His own Word."

The Holy Spirit leads me PERSONALLY and INDIVIDUALLY.

"Scripture commands specific obedience of all believers on some matters. Some areas, however change based on the individual and what the Lord wants to accomplish in her life. In these instances the Holy Spirit will "call us by name," giving us detailed directions tailored to our lives."

Still Alive! Pictures to prove it!

2011-06-26T21:28:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm still alive! I feel like it's been forever since I've been able to sit down and blog! I feel the need to reintroduce myself... Hi, my name is Hilary and I've been crazy busy! Wanna know what we've been up to?!

The busy hoopla has all been good stuff, fun stuff, and family bonding stuff- so the kind of busy I'm grateful for! We just got back from spending a week in the beautiful East TN mountains at Doe River Gorge (the camp we used to work at, pre-Jude days). We kicked off the visit by celebrating with my dear friend, and gorgeous bride, Lauren, on her wedding day! Joshua and I found ourselves smiling, having flashbacks to our big day over 6 years ago, where we were married at DRG as well, and I'm tellin' ya folks, it's the perfect setting for a fairy tail wedding! It was a such joy to share in Lauren and Josh's special day and we pray God's blessings of adventure and joy on their marriage! May He write great stories in your life Lauren and Josh!

Jude saw Lauren from a distance and told daddy, "There she is!"... and wanted to go see her up close!

Me and my sweet friend and lovely bride!

Some of the girls house girls I had the privilege to live with before getting married- I've built some of my favorite memories in life with these girls and love each one of them so much!

We decided since we were coming in town for the wedding, we might as well just spend the following week out at the gorge and soak in the outdoors! Joshua decided to volunteer as SWAT (servants with a testimony- they set up all the high adventure activities) for the week of camp while Jude and I took it easy and visited with friends! Jude had the time of his life, from the freedom of wide open spaces to run, to a unimog ride, to a speeder train ride, to hanging out with the horses, to swimming in the lake, to hiking back into the gorge on the tracks, to splashing in rain puddles, to playing with the staff kids, to all of the attention from the college summer staff (Raquel was by far his favorite there- a summer staff from Costa Rica who he called his "girlfriend"), I mean honestly... does life get any better for a 4 year old boy?! Truly, it was our little man's heaven on earth!

Hiking back in the gorge and trying not to soak our shoes in the process!

Mama (hanging on tight) to Jude at Pardee Point

Jude and his salamander buddy he found while exploring!

Daddy teaching Jude how to skip rocks down by the river

River rock face painting with daddy

Family hike

Jude's choice of vehicle- the unimog!

Fun at the lake with his new buddies!

Playing after dinner with some more buddies!

Jude got to tag along with daddy and his group of boys on the unimog ride, he laughed the whole time!

My boys checking out King David, daddy's favorite horse.

It was such a blessing to have enriched conversations with old friends that are near and dear to my heart! I cherished each visit and am forever grateful for the time I was able to catch up with everyone! I was also able to swing over to Kingsport to see some of my dad's side of the family that I hadn't seen in several years. There was a sense of "home" with everyone we were able to spend time with and it made my heart smile!

Grateful for my time spent with the Smythe's! Thank you Pam for all our talks!

Me and my sweet cousin Christy

My Aunt Jane, cousin Cindy, Jude and I visiting Cindy at her work. Thank you Aunt Jane for your hospitality and generosity! I love you!

My dear friend Julie (she was my camp counselor when I was in high school!) drove from South Carolina with her kiddo's to spend the day with us! We took the kids on a speeder ride back into the gorge!

Jules and I before they headed back out. Thank you so much Julie for coming out! I'm so grateful and love you so much!

Our boy tuckered out from a full week of fun on the car ride home!

My ungrateful self... and our June wait list #

2011-06-10T15:11:00.000-05:00

So can you tell that Jude is a fan of his new "water slide" in our backyard?! I'm just not sure his crazy screaming face gives it away?! Seriously, I'm amazed at how much fun the kid has climbing up the ladder, going down the slide, landing in a kiddy pool... over and over again! My cheeks hurt after watching him play back there because I'm unknowingly smiling the entire time! It just goes to prove that there isn't much in life that tops watching your kid have a blast! Truly, as a parent, when you're able to offer your child something that you know they're going to love- there's nothing better!

As I sat in the backyard the other night, watching Jude, catching myself laughing and smiling at all of his joyous facial expressions, I got to thinking. Here I sat like a proud mama, happy that my kid was happy... I bet God is like that too! He looks at us, His children, and longs for us to be happy, to enjoy what He's offered us, and when we do- I'm sure His heart wells up with a big smile! But I wonder how often I don't react like Jude, with an over the top happy squeal and instead, I either don't notice what God is offering or I don't seem to care. What a huge disappointment it would have been if we got this play set thing all set up and brought Jude in the backyard to reveal what awesome parents we were (o; ... only to have him be like, "Eh, okay." and turn and walk back inside! I seriously would have been ticked off and had a firm little chat with the boy about being grateful and appreciative, followed by being totally disappointed and heart broken that he didn't like what we were sure he would love!

Here's the deal though... how often am I the girl with the ungrateful reaction to the amazing Texas sunset's, to the refreshing coolness of water on a hot summer day, to the soft green grass in between my toes, to the yumminess of fresh strawberries, to the blessings of family and friendships, to all the beautiful and intricate details in life that God has laid before me?!?! How many disappointing, "blah" reactions must I give to God's incredible gifts every day! Just thinking about it, makes me what to go have a firm little chat with myself about being appreciative! Sigh.

I was reminded of my tendency to lean on the ungrateful side of things again today as I opened the email from our case worker, that I knew contained our official June wait list number. I was so excited to see how many Africa #'s we could flip over (on our count down wall)... only to find out that indeed we were one number HIGHER then I had thought! "Boo!" I literally said out loud. We're now officially #36 for June but according to our list serve, we were #35- so I was hoping for even lower then that. Our May number was #38... so we did move down two spots- but to Ms. Unappreciative Hilary, clearly that was not good enough!

I wonder if God is up in heaven thinking, "Hilary, oh Hilary... you don't know all that I know. You don't know all the beautiful details I am orchestrating so that Isa joins your family at just the perfect time. I wish you would have noticed the mountains I moved for the TWO OTHER fatherless children of mine that were placed with their forever families! My heart longs for you to appreciate and revel in the goodness of all I offer... even my perfect timing!"

With that being said, it's with a grateful spirit, I would like to announce that our official June wait list number on the boys list is #36!!! Wahoo!!! I praise you God for this beautiful number and all the incredible ways you are work in this journey we are on! I want to make you smile God with my reactions in life- may I take this lesson from Jude and learn from it!

Happy Dance!!!

2011-06-02T22:06:00.000-05:00

So check this out!... Late last week I decided on a whim to check in with Lifesong on our Matching Grant account just to make sure there weren't any last minute donations that had trickled in after the March 31st deadline that I didn't know about (that being said, they have told me that we are in fact still allowed to have tax deductible donations sent to that account for however long we need!) I opened up the PDF document that lists the names and amounts of donations and, low and behold, there sat two donations I had not accounted for!!! One in the amount of $25 and the other for $50! Just yesterday we were $73 shy of our goal and now... Do you know what this means?!!?!....

We have met our $28,000 goal!!!! AHHHH!!!! I sit here in disbelief that we are at this point in our journey! What seemed to be the daunting task of trying to tackle freaking $28,000 has surprisingly been the most amazing and humbling "daunting task" I have ever taken on in my life! God truly is an amazing God who funds His callings! To the world it looked foolish to take on such a financial hurdle and yet to the God who spoke the world into existence... easy-peasy! I've said it before, but I have no doubt that God uses the unlikely people and circumstances to get-r-done (yes I have a 4 year old that is a fan of Mater) in life so that we can point to no one else but Him for the amazing ways He pulls things off! He gets all the credit here folks! He accomplished His work through people like you! Wow... how our faith has been strengthened! If God is calling you to bigger things that seem outlandish and maybe even foolish, but your confident that it's a burden from the Holy Spirit (look to scripture & pray for clarity)... I beg of you to live radically for His name's sake! The life He's called us to as Christians isn't comfortable or what the world screams at us... it means loving "the least of these" even when $28K is staring you in the face and you KNOW there is no way, as a teacher and a stay at home, you're going to be able to pull it off! JUMP and TRUST! Bust butt and pray that God blesses your efforts along the way!

Okay, so some of you might be wondering where this leaves us financially and the fees that are left for us to pay. Here's the gist of it...

Upon referral - with completed referral packet:
A check to our agency for $4550. This is made up of a $1500 Post-Adoption Translation & Administration Fee, $100 Translation of Final Documents, $100 Medical Check Up, $350 HIV PCR Testing Fee, and $2500 Care of the Child which covers up to 5 months of care at Hannah's Hope.
In-Country Travel & Accommodation Expenses:
Airfare (per person) round trip $1500-$2000 x 2 because the both of us will be traveling over there twice, hopefully not too much over $8,000 in airfare. Travel Visa (per person) $20, Transportation/Travel Coordination $200, Food (per person) $20-$35, Immigrant Visa $400, Lodging (per night) $100.
Other Expenses:
Child Medical Review (varies?), Travel shots for the hubs and I (I don't know what this is going to cost us, I know it's a good chunk of money, I'll let you know!).

We currently have $12,648.13 total in savings either in our Lifesong account or our adoption savings account. So... if you do the math, it's going to be cutting it close... we're praying the cost of airfare goes down by the time we travel! All that being said, we are totally comfortable with exceeding our $28,000 goal! (o; So, even though we've reached the "finish line" in a sense, we would rather have some cushion in the account so if unexpected expenses come up, we're good to go! The majority of adopting families bank on everything costing $30K, but considering our home study saved us a huge chunk of money, I think we'll be under that amount. That being said, if the Lord so leads, and you're still wanting to join this story God is writing and help with the adoption fund... keep in mind that you can still make tax deductible donations to our Lifesong account! You can click HERE if you're interested, just be sure to indicate you want it to go towards Joshua and Hilary Helms Adoption. As always, no pressure or obligation- just throwing it out there! (o;

So isn't this just awesome ya'll?!?! Ahhh, it makes me want to get up and do the happy dance! Okay... I just totally got up and did it and it looked absolutely ridiculous, I'm such a horrible dancer- but God's not picky about happy dance technique, at least I hope not! (o;

Sneak Attack Emotional Day

2011-05-29T14:39:00.000-05:00

Have you ever just had one of those sneak attack emotional days creep up on you? And asked yourself, "Where the heck did that come from?!" This past week, completely unexpected, I was just overcome with a wave of emotions over our adoption process, consumed with thoughts about Isa and his birth mom. I'm not sure if it was the accumulation of finding myself emotionally invested in several friend's adoption process's (one of which I posted below that traveled to ET to meet their son this week) or maybe it was just good ole' PMS (just throwing that out there, because it's a darn good possibility)- but this past Tuesday was a doozy on my heart!

I found myself questioning whether we were crazy for even being on this unpredictable roller coaster of a journey (which I actually do often if I'm being honest here- but it's normally my late night anxiety that will trigger those thoughts- this was a middle of the day legitimate freak out moment). Fears and doubts that this whole adoption process is actually going to pan out consumed me. All the unknowns with the Ethiopia program were exaggerated in my head and I questioned whether or not we were foolish to stay the course. I broke down in tears over the fact that I have NO IDEA if Isa is even born yet and the gut wrenching reality, that if he is, I can't help him at this point. To be completely real, I was tired of praying for a faceless child, that I know nothing about, I just felt stuck. God's timing and mine were not jiving on Tuesday, that's for sure! I cried and had a little chat with God letting Him know I wasn't a fan of waiting and I wasn't super thrilled about all the unknowns of this process either. I love that my God is big enough to hear me whine. My mom always told me growing up, "God's a big God, He can handle your anger/frustration/fears!" (o;

My little "chat" with God was good for me. I think too often my gut reaction is to try to hash through my feelings on my own or call up a friend and talk about it. I wonder how often God is just waiting on me to hash it out with Him first? For pete's sake Hilary, He listens and cares more then anyone else in the world! So after laying out the ugly emotions that were consuming me, I felt a strange sense of peace. I felt God nudging me to remember, to remember how He's so perfectly orchestrated all the details so far. To hang on the truth that He's at work, in the unseen. He's got this. Isa is His child. He loves Isa more then I do. He knows where Isa is this very moment. He knows the perfect time that Isa will join our family. He's at work. Remember His faithfulness.

I say all of this, because I want to be transparent and real. Not to scare off any potential adopting family, that's for sure! But I'll shoot you straight... There are crappy days where the adoption process flat out sucks (sorry if that's a bad word in your house, and no, we don't say it in front of Jude (o:) ! BUT I want to be very clear in saying that... the good days FAR OUTWAY the crazy emotional ones! It's those crazy emotional days, like I had on Tuesday, that draw you back to remembering God's goodness and faithfulness! Remembering God's goodness, leads to praising God for His goodness, and praising Him puts everything back into perspective! Quite honestly, it makes my doubts look flat out silly when I compare them with all the amazing ways God has had His hand on our lives over the past year!

A good day- Airport Drop off

2011-05-22T23:37:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. Today richly blessed me! I was privileged to witness God's handy work coming together for a couple that goes to our church (I won't mention their names, because I haven't had the chance to ask them if that's cool with them or not, and normally I'm the kind of person who doesn't think of that until after the matter, so I'm trying to think ahead and not kick myself in the butt!)

Jude and I pulled into this couple's driveway and as I put the car into park, I looked back at Jude and said, "Today is a BIG day for our friends bud! Today we're taking them to the airport!" to which I was expecting him to ask, "Where are they going?!"... but to a 4 year old, I guess going to the airport is exciting enough in itself! So he just said, "Yahoo!" as if that was the BIG news! I smiled to myself, realizing I needed to explain more clearly, "Jude, we're taking them to the airport because they're traveling to Ethiopia to meet their son for the very first time!" It was like the word Ethiopia registered with him and he proudly said, "Isa lives there Mama!" (Too bad when he's asked where his brother is going to be from he leaves the "Ethi" part off the word and just shouts, "Opia!" which reminds me of the drug opium! We're working on his pronunciation!).

I unloaded Jude out of the car and as we were walking up to the front door, I felt this excitement welling up inside of me. We knocked and I could see the blurred image of their beautiful little girl (who they adopted from China several years ago) through the decorative glass on the front door. She slowly opened it and shyly looked down at her feet. For just a split second, the vision of her being a big sister, and the excitement of it all, came flooding to the forefront of my mind and almost brought me to tears. I managed to keep my composure and quickly had my thoughts shift as I noticed her mama coming around the corner. I looked up at my friend and smiled, my heart was full of all sorts of fluttering goodness! It was one of those moments where I was truly joyous on her behalf! As a waiting mama myself, longing for my day to head the airport, I related with her on an unspoken level! Again, I could feel my eyes welling up with tears of happiness, but I took a deep breath and kept it together. You could physically feel the excitement in the air as the entry way filled with grandma, grandpa, and daddy too- all smiling ear to ear! We chatted for a bit and then realized it was that time, time to head out! The luggage was packed and sitting by the front door and after a last minute check to make sure they had everything they needed, we loaded up my car. I knew good byes were coming to grandma and grandpa and their precious little girl who was thrilled of course to have her grandparents in town watching her! We all stood in the driveway, loaded up and ready to go, and then the hugs started- which means that the flood of emotions started too! Watching mommy and daddy kiss their little girl goodbye, I could feel the tug of their hearts for their little girl here and their little boy they would soon meet in Ethiopia! I flashed forward to when our day will come where we'll be standing in the driveway saying bye to Jude when we go to meet Isa and I got that ache in my throat, here comes the cry feeling, creep up on me. I blinked my eyes like crazy, looked away, and quickly climbed into the driver seat, desperately trying to not break out into the ugly cry! (I swear, I'm such an empathic crier though- so catching a glimpse of these proud grandparents tear up, did me in for!). Isn't it funny though, that once you become parents, leaving your kids, even if it's just for a week, can tug on your emotions? Throw in the fact that you'll be traveling half way across the world and the distance alone makes everything intensified! You just love them so darn much, it's hard to leave 'em!

We pulled out of the driveway and I was as gitty as could be! I knew they were too! They kept saying, "I just can't believe we're actually doing this! I can't believe we're really headed to the airport! The day is here! Ahhh!!!!" The next 40 minute drive to the airport was filled with anticipation, laughter, and rich conversation. We talked about how God has been woven in every detail of this crazy, long, journey for them (it's been a 3 year process, originally they were signed up with the Nepal program, but when Nepal shut it doors, they had to switch programs to ET). We all agreed that God's timing doesn't always match up with ours- often times it even hurts and leaves us confused... but in the end, He truly knows best! There were times over the past three years that they thought this day would never come, yet God knew all along that May 22nd was going to be a good day for them!

As we pulled into the entrance of airport, I was sure to tell them to soak in the sounds, the smells, and sights of Ethiopia and share them with me when they come back! The idea that they'll be in the same city where Isa, is or will be (if he isn't born yet) is almost surreal to me! I wish I could have somehow snuck into their suitcases (that totally would have put them over their weight limit, dang it!), and tagged along! We pulled into their terminal and as we unloaded their luggage, I'm pretty sure I felt the presence of heaven smiling down on this family, blessing all their diligent work/time/effort/heartache/love! It was a privilege to see them off and know that God has an amazing week ahead for them! Moments that will forever change their life and the life of their precious little boy! I can't wait to hear the stories when the return! I'm earnestly praying for all this week entails, their safe travel, their meetings with their son through out the week, their meeting his birth mother, their court date on May 27th, the emotions of it all, and that God would be ever present- just as he has been all along!

Today was a good day. Today blessed me in deep ways.

Operation "No More Tears!"

2011-05-20T14:46:00.000-05:00

For Jude's 4th birthday this year when asked by his Grams to give any ideas of things that he wanted, I knew his answer would undoubtedly be anything super hero related! So I of course suggested that, because as a good mom there is an unspoken obligation, but then I also suggested the Jesus Storybook Bible, because I had heard a ton of great things about it! Jude is totally into reading before nap and bedtime and he's always been keenly in tune with anything relating to Jesus. There have for real been times that I'm almost a little freaked out by how sensitive he is to spiritual matters. That being said, there have also been times where I clearly was way off. For instants, without fail, for the longest time ever, he would always say with excitement as we were leaving church, "Mom! I saw Jesus at church today!". To which I would smile and take mental note of yet another time my boy was clearly able to see Jesus in a way I wasn't! Until one day as we were walking out into the lobby Jude started tugging on my hand, jumping up and down, and pointing across the sea of people loudly whispering, "There he is mama! There he is!". "There who is?" I said, and with utter confidence Jude yelled, "Jesus!" as he pointed to our worship leader Warren! OH MY GOODNESS, for months my child thought that the cool lookin' hip dude on stage leading worship was Jesus himself! So yeah, there are times I'm way off! Regardless, that being said, I thought this Jesus Storybook Bible would be something that Jude would really enjoy, and so Grams bought it for him for his birthday... along with many super hero related toys as well!

Okay, can I just stop here and say for a minute, seriously... this is the best book EVER! I AM LOVING IT!!! I don't know who is more into it, me or Jude?! I wanted to share what we read last night because it's so well written and I love how it captures the simplicity of God's rescue plan!

Operation "No More Tears!"
The Rescuer will come: prophecies from
Isaiah 9,11,40,50,53,55,60

"DO YOU KNOW what your name means? Well, there was once a man called Isaiah, and his name meant "God to the rescue!" That might sound like a bit of a funny name to you, but it was just the right name for Isaiah because God had a special job for Isaiah. You see, Isaiah's job was to listen to God and then tell people what he heard. Now, God let Isaiah know a secret. God showed Isaiah his Secret Rescue Plan: Operation "No More Tears!" This is the message God gave Isaiah (it was like a letter God wrote to his children)...

Dear Little Flock,

You're all wandering away from me, like sheep in an open field. You have always been running away from me. And now you're lost. You can't find your way back.
But I can't stop loving you. I will come to find you. So I am sending you a Shepherd to look after you and love you. To carry you home to me.
You've been stumbling around, like people in a dark room. But into the darkness, a bright Light will shine! It will chase away all the shadows, like sunshine.
A little baby will be born. A Royal Son. His mommy will be a young girl who doesn't have a husband. His name will be Emmanuel, which means "God has come to live with us." He is one of King Davids' children's children's children.
The Prince of Peace.
Yes, Someone is going to come and rescue you! But he won't be who anyone expects.
He will be a King! But he won't live in a palace. And he won't have lots of money. He will be poor. And he will be a Servant. But this King will heal the whole world.
He will be a Hero! He will fight for his people, and rescue them from their enemies. But he won't have big armies, and he won't fight with swords. He will make the blind see, he will make the lame leap like deer! He will make everything the way it was always meant to be. But people will hate him, and they won't listen to him. He will be like a Lamb- he will suffer and die.
It's the Secret Rescue Plan we made- from before the beginning of the world!
It's the only way to get you back.
But he won't stay dead- I will make him alive again!
And, one day, when he comes back to rule forever, the mountains and trees will dance and sing for joy! The earth will shout out loud! His fame will fill the whole earth- as the waters cover the sea! Everything sad sill come untrue. Even death is going to die! And he will wipe away every tear from every eye.
Yes, the Rescuer will come. Look for him. Watch for him. Wait for him. He will come!
I promise.

Love, God

Poor Isaiah. He read God's letter over and over to God's people, but no one listened to him- at all. Ever. They didn't want to hear God's promise. They didn't believe it.
Did it sound maybe too good to be true? A story that ends happily ever after? Well, it does sound like a fairy tale, doesn't it? And, as anyone will quickly tell you, fairly tales aren't true.
Or are they?

Isn't that so good?! The simplicity of God's love for us written all through scripture, the bible truly is one big love story and rescue plan! Apparently having it written out for me in the form of a children's bible book speaks to my heart all the more clearly! No surprise there, I'm a simple girl! (o;

Anyway, I just wanted to share a little of what we've been reading with Jude lately and suggest it to any other's out there that are looking for a great way to introduce God's truths to their lives!

Crazy Amazing and The Wait...

2011-05-19T17:54:00.000-05:00

Wanna hear something crazy amazing, humbling, knock your socks off, totally God's faithfulness, good?!?!... Have you checked out our fundraiser meter thingy on the right hand side of the blog lately?!?! Seriously, we ONLY have $211 to go before we are FULLY FUNDED towards bringing Isa home!!!!!! It was last May that we sent out our very first letter to friends and family letting them know we were jumping into this crazy journey of adoption! We had no idea how it was going to be funded, but we knew God said to jump, so we trusted that He would provide! In ONE YEARS time God has provided $27,789 through people like YOU! This is HUGE and almost too much for me to wrap my mind around! It is so true that God funds His callings and moves mountains to accomplish His work! Clearly He is passionate about orphans and determined to not let anything get in the way of making sure they are placed with families! Each and every penny of this journey has been documented and is attached to a name written in RED on our calendars- the above photo is of our May 2010 and May 2011 calendars that have been hanging in our kitchen. If you were to flip through the pages of both, you would find a years worth of God's story chalked full of names of dear friends, family, and complete strangers that have each been used by God in one way or another to accomplish His plan of bringing Isa home! I'm humbled and forever grateful every time I break out the RED pen and scribble a name in that dated little square box!

The wait. I've had several people ask me lately, "How much longer do you think it'll be before you'll bring Isa home?". Heck, Jude has been asking me the same thing here lately! Fair question... just wish I had the answer! I actually just spoke with our AGCI case worker today, "K" (who, by the way, I love and is quite possibly the sweetest person ever to chat with on the phone! I kind of wonder if the polite folks at Chick-fil-a that always smile and say, "My pleasure" and the case workers from our agency, all go to the same training school?!). She was just calling to check in to see how we were doing and keep us up to date with how things are coming along in Ethiopia.

As you might recall, in March, the Government of Ethiopia's Ministry of Women's Affair issued THIS statement that they would be processing only 5 cases per day. In essence, this would be cutting the number of adoptions by nearly 90%, which in turn makes this mama's heart sink! Since then, the head of MOWA has been terminated and there is entirely new staff in place (which is a good thing from what I can gather). That being said, MOWA has yet to reissue a new statement to counter the one issued in March. You can read the latest update HERE from the Department of State website. So as it stands, the Ethiopian government is still only processing 5 cases a day. Here's the catch though- the movement and cases actually being processed would suggest differently. As of yet, we've seen no significant delay and families are still passing court (PS, I'm so excited for all the families that passed court this week!). So... the issued statement and what we're seeing actually happen aren't really matching up... BUT, I'm totally cool with their actions not backing up what they're saying, as long as it means- we're still moving forward! Regardless, we're still in this weird phase of wait and see, and time really will tell how this is all going to pan out. With the uncertainty of it all, our agency has upped the time frame from dossier acceptance until referral of a child to up to 18 months. However, current families on the list that have recently received referrals waited between 11-12 months. So.... in a nutshell, there is no real way to nail down a timeframe for when we could expect to see Isa's sweet face! Trust me, I hate that answer more than you do! We went on the wait list back in October, so... I guess anywhere between this October and next April we could get our referral call?!?! Talk about making me appreciate pregnancy with Jude and knowing that after 9 months, it was a sure fire deal that he would be here!

So there you have it folks! The most vague answer ever! But hopefully it gives you a better idea of where we're at in this journey!

Letting go of my contingencies

2011-05-16T00:33:00.000-05:00

We received our monthly email from our case worker, K, late last week with our new official May wait list number.... #38!!! I'm glad to be in the 30's and will be even more glad to be in the 20's and then the teens! Well if I'm going down that road, heck... I'm ready for a referral call TODAY, but I'm hanging on His perfect timing of it all and I trust that #38 is exactly where we're suppose to be for this month! But notice all those Africa's flipped over to hearts?!?! Each one represents a child's life that has been forever changed and given a forever family! Each heart is one less orphan in the Ethiopia! It truly helps keep things in perspective for me, to know that while we wait, God is at work, giving kiddo's mommy's and daddy's and one day it will be Isa's turn- but until then, there is work to be done! Praise God for all those hearts! (On a side note, there are only three more numbers on the bottom line to flip and I'm so ready to tackle the top row of numbers! It'll just make me feel more accomplished for some reason! Come on June numbers... be in the low 30's!!!)

I made an exciting purchase for Isa's room the other day of a canvas world map that I had been eyeing for months from IKEA. I'd like to thank Izzy (the dog/pony from across the street) for this purchase, because I was able to save up my dog sitting money to buy this bad boy! We're going with a map/globe/Africa theme for Isa's room and I thought this piece was perfect to center everything around for the "look" that we're going for! It was a total bonus too that it ended up matching the wall color because I painted Isa's room awhile back with this random "oops paint color"at Home Depot (which, P.S. I would highly recommend to anyone to save a good chunk of money on paint if you're not super particular about the color you're going for! Just look on the backside of the paint counter and there will be all the paint that's already been mixed and for one reason or another someone didn't want it. So I paid $5 for a premixed kaki color gallon of Behr Primer Plus when normally it's like $25-$30 a gallon!). Voila! It matched! Once we get the computer out of his room and fill it with his furniture, I think it'll really pop off the wall and look cool!

Oh, I've totally been meaning to share about an awesome/nerve racking opportunity Joshua and I had a couple weeks ago! We were approached by our church and asked to share a little bit of our story at the quarterly Partnership Meeting (it's similar to a membership meeting). Now you see, while this may not be a big deal to most, to me... I am genuinely scared to death to talk in front of people! Small groups of like 10-15 people, I can handle- but like 100 plus people.... TERRIFIED! So when Joshua came to me and cautiously informed me that we were asked to do this, I think I literally froze in my chair- knowing that my answer should be an enthusiastic yes, but feeling the fear creep up inside of me and scream no way! Here's the deal, I genuinely WANT to share all that God is doing in our lives- and I WANT to take advantage of opportunities just like this- but my flesh looks at a crowed of people, a stage, and microphone and cringes! That being said, I heard this whisper reminding me that God has been showing me over and over again that He likes my dependency in Him, especially when I'm feeling inadequate, so I took a deep breath and told Joshua to tell them "Yep, we'll do it!". We had a week to prepare (or stress, however you look at it), and I can't tell you how many times I looked at Joshua and said, "Seriously?! You're not nervous at all?!?!" (I guess it's a perk to being a teacher, you get plenty of practice speaking in front of people) It's like it almost annoyed me that he wasn't feeling what I was feeling, apparently misery loves company! Oh but I could hardly imagine what I would have done had he been equally as scared... at the same time I was annoyed, I was so grateful for his confidence, he couldn't win! To make a long story short, when the church asked Joshua if we would share, they mentioned that I could read a blog post if I wanted. Well, ding! ding! ding!... that sounded great to me! Less chance of me completely drawing a blank and having the dreaded long awkward silence! So, I jumped all over that option and let Joshua do the free-style talking! (My focus then became making it up the stage stairs without tripping- and I'll have you folks know- I made it, both up and down the stairs! Wahoo!) Here's the deal- at the end of the night, even though I kept my eyes glued to the paper, and probably talked too fast, and no doubt made speech teachers shake their heads in frustration, GOD STILL SHOWED UP! God was able to use scared, nervous, inadequate Hilary, and make HIS name known! It may not have been pretty- but I'm learning to let go of the contingencies I want to put on how God can and will use my life! If I truly say, my life is yours God, use it... then that means even when I'm scared, uncomfortable, and nervous- USE MY LIFE GOD, IT'S YOURS! I'm so grateful that I didn't let fear rule my decision and miss out on the humbling opportunity to share with other's all the amazing ways God is working in our lives! I refuse to let fear get in the way of what God can do in and through my life! How about you?

My sister played me this song over a month ago and I loved it- and ever since then I feel like every time I'm in the car it comes on the radio and then today they played it at church! The lyrics to this song shout where my heart is right now!

Not simply a gift

2011-05-11T15:47:00.000-05:00

Uganda. Three weeks time. God has provided $2,152.85 towards the $3,300 goal! Speechless.

The supply of our needs are being met by heaven. We don't see the generous gifts simply coming from individuals, but from God- using those individuals to accomplish His work. A few weeks ago in my women's bible study we were talking about how, as believers, we are to live here on earth as a "little colony of heaven", talking like Him and acting like Him. For those who have joined in the story God is writing with our adoption and now this Uganda trip- I truly do feel like we're surrounded by a little colony of heaven! Thank you!

We're simply amazed!

Busy as a bee!

2011-05-10T16:13:00.000-05:00

This time every year is super busy, yet I always seem surprised for some reason! From Joshua's longer work days due to tutoring for the upcoming AP exams, to his annual soccer banquet, to a visit from Grams (Joshua's mom), to Jude's birthday party, to Mother's Day, and fundraising for the Uganda trip this summer, and, and, and, yadda, yadda, yadda... point being, I feel like blogging gets scootched to the bottom of the to do list.

So in an effort to be productive with my precious Jude napping time... I'm going to make this a photo heavy post to capture what all has been going on! ...

Joshua and I rarely get dressed up (so we make a point to take a picture just for proof that it happened!) but the MHS Soccer Banquet provides a great excuse! The banquet consists of the coaches handing out awards to players and a send off video for the seniors who are headed off to college. I pray God's direction and wisdom on each of these students as they are still learning who they are and are searching for who they put their faith in! It's a joy to be the coaches wife and have a little glimpse into the lives of these high school students. I'm proud of the impact my hubs has on his players and I'm proud of these kids too!

For the past 4 years it's worked out perfectly that the banquet always falls during the exact same time as when Grams is in town from Atlanta! Jude is always thrilled to haver her babysit and we're grateful too for her help!
Grams is one of Jude's most favorite people in the world, so he is thrilled when she comes into town for his birthday!

Our little Super Hero Jude turned 4 years old! Grams makes awesome birthday cakes for Jude every year and this year was no exception with a Super Hero themed rice crispy cake! He was thrilled!

All three of us in our Super Hero tee's for Jude's 4th birthday party! We're cool like that... or not so much! (o; This kid is growing up crazy fast and it I'm searching for the slow down button in life, but can't seem to find it! We're so ridiculously blessed and grateful for Jude and the amazing 4 years he's been alive!

I mean, seriously?! Could these super hero's get anymore cute?!

On Mother's Day we headed to the small downtown we live in and took some pics. I'm hoping that next year this photo will include a cute little chocolate colored babe in my arms as well! I told Jude that night, "Thanks so much for making me a mommy! I love my job!" to which he replied, "Sure thing! I love you mom!".... what a kid!

I wouldn't trade my life as Jude's mommy for anything in the world! Seriously it's the most challenging YET rewarding job ever! I'm so grateful to be a mom and I'm so grateful to have a stellar mom in my life who is the epitome of motherhood and what I strive to be like!

Okay, that's all I have time for for now! But there is more to share here soon on how Joshua's Uganda support raising is coming along... it's good stuff, you don't want to miss it!

Jude's first "solo" prayer

2011-04-28T15:04:00.000-05:00

Every night we pray with Jude before he goes to sleep. He always repeats after us in going through our list of "thank you for..." and then he enthusiastically says "AMEN!" really loud at the end.

Earlier this week I decided to ask Jude if he wanted to pray on his own, all by himself. To which he shyly replied, "Nope, I don't know how." Trying to encourage him to step outside his comfort zone I said, "Yeah you do bud. Just like mommy and daddy do with you every night- you just talk to God." I heard him take a deep breath and with a little bit of attitude say, "Fine mom, I'll do it." To which I squeezed his hand and said "That a boy, okay- go ahead!".

So here you have Jude's very first solo prayer....

Jude: "Jesus? Jesus?! JESUS?!" (each time he said it he got louder and louder, as if he expected a response back.)
Me: "Jesus can hear you bud, go ahead." (as I tried not to smile or laugh knowing that he would stop praying if I embarrassed him in the least.)
Jude: "Thank you for our blessings. Thank you for making good choices. Thank you for making the good choice to die on the cross for our sins (melt my heart moment). Thank you for pirates and super heros (truly the important things in life... well, to a 4 year old at least!). Thank you for my puzzle fireman, my puzzle knight, and my puzzle worker man. Thank you for all our food (sounds like his daddy!). Please be with the people in Opia (the way he says Ethiopia) who do not have food... like Isa (love my tender hearted boy!). Bring Isa home so he can have a mommy and daddy... MY mommy and daddy. Wait... who is going to be my mom and dad?! (said with a little bit of panic in his voice)."
Me: "We're still going to be your mom and dad Jude, always!"
Jude: "Oh, okay (with a tone of relief). Amen then."

A long wait for a little man

2011-04-26T15:48:00.000-05:00

This little man thinks the wait for his brother, "Sure is taking a long time!".... I can't say I blame him either! It's been almost a year of us talking about Jude being a big brother and praying for Isa every night- so it's no wonder the questions like, "Is he coming home today?!" and "Do we get to see Isa's face soon?" are starting to occur. It's with his innocent questions that my heart aches and gets a bit impatient as well. While I'm preaching one thing to Jude, that "We still have to wait a while longer, BUT God knows the perfect time that Isa will join our family!"... I have to remind myself to believe it as well! This whole adoption wait sure is more challenging for me then the 9 month wait of pregnancy, I have to be honest! Yes with pregnancy there is the "ugh" of loosing what was once your body, and worrying every time you have to sneeze that you'll pee your pants... but you knew, that in 40 weeks- you would see the face of this sweet child that was causing you such discomfort! I really struggle with not knowing when we'll see the face of our sweet Isa! At times, I'm cool with it- and totally can hang on the truth of God's perfect timing- and then at other times, I stink at it! Like today, when Jude brought up the fact that "This sure is taking a long time!"... AGREED Jude, agreed! Just being honest about my impatience.

His Kingdom Come

2011-04-25T23:38:00.000-05:00

Since my last post regarding Joshua's Uganda support letters going out, God has once again been smiling down from heaven- working through people to accomplish His plans! $960 has already been raised towards his total trip goal of $3,300!!! I'm just shaking my head in awe of the generosity of others and the way God uses His people as His hands and feet to get the job done! I'm amazed at the willingness of others to give freely and I pray blessings on them for being such a blessing to us! Obviously over the past year the reoccurring theme in our lives has been God blowing our socks off, and it got me thinking...

It is simply humbling and amazing for Joshua and I to watch how God provides for the "kingdom come" things in life! At church a couple weeks ago our pastor was talking about how when we pray, God always listens, no matter what... BUT when we pray for "His kingdom come" type things, He's like "What's that Hilary!? I'm listening intently now! You want MY will to be done on earth as it is in heaven?! You have my attention!". This is true folks! I can testify first hand to the power of the change in prayer that this past year of our lives has brought- God has radically moved in mighty ways like we have never seen before! It's simple really- once our prayers were shifted upwards rather than inwards- our world flipped upside down... in crazy amazing good ways! God has moved mountains to accomplish His work! I can't even count how many prayers I have taken to God over the years filled with MY worries, MY plans, MY hang ups, MY desires, MY crap (let's just be honest)! I'm just sayin', the kingdom come type prayers, where I'm begging God for His will in my life have been so much more rewarding! And it's not that He didn't hear all the "MY" prayers, He did, He still does... I just think He's longing for us to come to Him with more! He's just waiting and hoping for us to come to Him with our lives and lay them at His feet and say, "Here you go God... I give my one and only life to you. Make it pretty because I make it a mess. Lead the way, I'll follow. Break my heart for what breaks yours. I am desperate for You God because the life you desire for me is far bigger than I can accomplish on my own. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." I can just picture Him sitting on the edge of His seat (eh, throne is probably more appropriate) waiting in anticipation when we pray, yearning for us to lay our agenda aside and beg for His, because I truly believe He LOVES to blow our socks off!

So it should come as no surprise that $960 has already been provided in just over a weeks time! I'm pretty confident that this Uganda trip is right up God's alley and His heart beats a little faster when we pray specifically about it... regardless, I still feel a little like (well, a lot like) Jude in this picture- amazed!

Uganda Support Letter.... on the way!

2011-04-18T15:55:00.000-05:00

Guess what we've been working on?! That's right.... Joshua's Uganda Trip support letter! He finished up designing it last night and now we just have to settle on where we're going to make our copies- because the bargain hunter in me has to find the best deal out there! Our goal is to have them in the mail to everyone this week sometime! So keep an eye out for it your mailbox!

Now a moment of being honest from yours truly... I get so nervous every time we send out support letters. Like the knot in my stomach, anxious, sweaty palms, kinda of nervous! Mostly because the people pleaser in me can't help but worry myself sick over what others will think. "Here's that Helms family once again asking for more money!" is the loud voice that nags at the insecure side of who I am. So if you're one of those people that has that thought cross your mind- I'd simply like to say- that we genuinely pray that you would know our motive in support raising is truly centered in doing our best to be obedient to God's callings! We are confident that God has opened this door for Joshua to go to Uganda, to use this experience in ways we could never imagine! We have no expectation what so ever that anyone is obligated to give! Rather our prayer is that those who whole heartedly want to be a part of this journey would desire to give and join with us in what God is doing! We're just letting the need be known and trusting that God will provide, period. Sigh, okay- I feel much better laying that out there and hope that our hearts are evident!

Here's a glimpse of the letter that will soon be in mailboxes of friends and family! I'd humbly ask if you would join with us in prayer that God once again would bless our efforts and provide in ways that only He can! We know that it is ONLY by His hand that this trip will be funded and made possible! Just like with the adoption costs, please know we are committed to doing our part to think creatively and outside the box and take on extra odds and ends jobs to meet our financial goals! So here's to another piece of the puzzle that God is putting together in our lives!

Cupcake Kids!!!

2011-04-16T23:38:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the much anticipated Cupcake Kids sale at Joshua's school! If you haven't heard about Cupcake Kids... it's a fundraiser to help the amazing ministry of Sixty Feet that helps the imprisoned children in Uganda! Truly they are an amazing ministry and I would encourage everyone to check it out... who knows, maybe God plans on using YOU to be His hands and feet to make a difference in this ministry?!

Our game plan for selling the cupcakes was simple... set up "camp" outside the main doors of the school, so that when the last bell of the day rang at 2:30pm- BAM! Hundreds of hungry students would see these amazing cupcakes! Not only did this genius plan work- the second we started setting up the table and put the first cupcake down at 1:30pm- students that had early release were hovering over my shoulder like, "Oooo, cupcakes! Can I buy one?! Huh, Huh, Huh?!". To which I replied, "Uhm, ABSOLUTELY!!!". We opted to NOT put a price on the cupcakes and just ask the students to make a donation. Joshua and I went back and forth on whether or not this stratagy would backfire on us, considering we were asking high school students who might just throw in a penny... BUT I'm just here to tell you- the incredible students of MHS are so generous and they dug deep in their pockets to make a BIG difference! I seriously saw one girl put a $20 in the jar, I made eye contact with her and through the crowd mouthed the words, "Wait, hun- do you need change?!" to which she humbly smiled and shook her head no, and walked away! It's little moments like that, that simply leave me speechless!

So... the cupcakes you see on the table in the picture at the top of the post were all graciously whipped up by family and friends (Phoebe, Stacy, Beth, Kaydee, Gretchen, and Bekah's mom- ya'll are the best!)... those scrumptious cupcakes raised... Drum Roll Please..... $142.34 to help the sweet children in Uganda and the AMAZING ministry of Sixty Feet!!!

I also just wanted to take a second and thank the students that helped set up and "sell" (even though it didn't really require any sales expertise, considering the crowd brought itself)... But once again, CLUB 2412... ya'll simply amaze me with your willingness to jump in and help with your big hearts that genuinely desire to make a difference around the world! Jude couldn't be more excited to go to "Daddy's School" either, because he gets to hang out, I mean flirt with, pretty girls like these! For real, he loves Mara and Hailey and has been talking to me about them since yesterday! He also keeps asking me if we have any more cupcakes- because he might be addicted! I mean, look at those PINK lips! Crazy kid!

My dear friend Whitney and her adorable son Mekele stopped by too (he is adopted from Ethiopia- and just a little background, I know I've mentioned it before, but they were the first couple we ever talked with to beg for wisdom when we jumped into this adoption journey! So they will always hold a special place in our lives for the very reason that they're such a part of Isa's story!). I'm so grateful for Whitney in my life and that our hubby's teach across the hall from each other! So I just have to share the cupcake sweetness of Mekele's face too- because it's just too cute to pass up!

And if you know my mom at all, you would find it no surprise that she too swung by to help out and show her support... and maybe love on her grandson too! Seriously, one day I will do entire post on how incredible my mom is! My eyes fill up with tears just thinking about it! She is and always has been my number one fan in everything and I do- this adoption process and all the facets that God has worked through it, whether it be starting up Abba's Children or these fundraisers for other ministries on the side- she's there, always! I'm telling ya, if I can be HALF the mom she is to me, I'm good to go in life! I'm going to stop now because if I go on I'll become a blubbery mess!

So, once again- God showed up, and provided for His children around the world through high school students here in Texas! I love seeing how He uses other's to accomplish His work!

Abba's Children

2011-04-09T12:28:00.000-05:00

I've yet to mention how great our last Abba's Children (our church's unfolding orphan care ministry) went on March 31st! I sit here amazed at how God is clearly at work in this group already! We had about 30 adults and 10 kids at our potluck packed into Nancy's house and the buzz in the room of hearts that desired to love on orphans just brought a smile to my face! We all represent different aspects of orphan care but we're united with a passion to "do something" and love the fatherless and live out the gospel in Christ! I'm genuinely excited to see what God has in store for this group and I continue to beg for His guidance along the way as we grow and develop as a ministry! We haven't even had an official launch of Abba's Children at our church (and probably won't for several more months)- and just by word of mouth- the people are coming! It's like Field of Dreams... "If you build it, they will come!". LOVE it!

Last night, we had our first ever spontaneous Abba's Children Airport Welcome Home Party for one of the families from our church! It's actually our worship leader and his wife, Warren and Sonya, who, in a whirlwind of God ordained events, adopted a sweet little boy from Alabama (name is still to come!). I can't even begin to tell you how much joy this whole evening brought to my heart! I stood there looking around at the group of people gathered in anticipation, excited to welcome this baby home... everyone was starring at the escalator waiting to see the feet of Warren and Sonya and the new addition to their family come down, and thought to myself, "This is what it's all about!". Wrapping around families who are stepping out in faith to support and love on them! The cheer of joy when we finally saw their feet and then their faces was pure heaven! It was humbling to be in a moment where you knew God was looking down smiling- because a child of His was given a family! And not just any family, but a WONDERFUL family who will raise this boy to know Jesus! "God sets the lonely in families" Psalm 68:6. It was just pure goodness all around! We are so excited to have front row seats to watch God work in Warren and Sonya's family!

As we arrived. Can you tell I was excited?!

We all gathered waiting for them to arrive!

They had NO idea! They didn't even know this was "a thing" to do in the crazy world of adoption!

Warren and Sonya with their Itty Bitty!

The first of many Abba's Children welcome home parties!

And we sent them off in prayer... in the parking garage as they loaded up into their car! Classic.

So there you have it! A little glimpse of what God can do when you say "YES" to His plans in life! He knew Abba's Children needed to be "unofficially" up and running- if for nothing else, just for this very moment of welcoming home this family! If He can take me and all my inadequacies and true fear of speaking in front of people, and use me as a leader to make something beautiful like this out of an orphan care ministry, what might He have in store for YOU at your church?! I say, step out in faith and do something, start something, come together as one voice, and watch and see what God can do!

Precious Equipping Time in our Lives

2011-04-06T17:01:00.002-05:00

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times- this adoption process is just the tip of the iceberg to what God is doing in our lives! He has used our journey to Isa to work in numerous facets in Joshua and I's souls to reveal Himself in fresh new ways, over and over again! I've been reluctant a little bit to share details of specific burdens that He's placed on our hearts, because A. We're still sorting through what responding to these burdens looks like in our lives, and B. Honestly, I am scared of the accountability that comes with actually putting it out there for others to read! Actually typing out the words and having them stare back at me, somehow makes things more concrete. Scaredy cat, I know... but I truly do feel like the Lord is asking me to be transparent through out this process in all the ways He's at work in our lives.

That being said, I shall nervously begin pouring out one specific burden that is weighing heavy on our hearts...

Deep Breath... We feel like, in time (and I don't know when that time is yet), our family will move to Africa. There you have it folks, I said it! We know that right now, our priority is to get Isa home- and that we're kind of in this "holding phase" until our adoption is complete. Right now, the timing of when we get Isa home is completely out of our control- we did our part in busting butt to get our dossier whipped up and sent off... and then, well- we wait, and pray, and wait some more, and pray some more! Any international adoption, as a whole, is somewhat risky and unpredictable- seeing as how any country could choose to just shut down for whatever random reason at any time. And while I don't see that happening with Ethiopia, there is still so much out of our control as far as how the rest of this process plays out! We have no real grasp of what our timeframe from here on out looks like. So, we continue to hold loosely to our desire of having Isa in our arms and home by Christmas andtrust that God is using this "waiting for Isa phase"as precious equipping time in our lives!

Like I said, I have NO IDEA of when and where we'll move to Africa, and what door of ministry God will open up for us to walk through at just the right time to get us there! And when I say "no idea", I really mean, I am completely clueless as to how this is all going to pan out! Maybe that's why I feel a bit silly writing about this- but I'm determined to lay it out there as God throws it at me, so that in the long run, His hand will be all the more evident in looking back and seeing how He was clearly putting puzzle pieces together at this point in our lives. So that's my motive in sharing. For months now, both Joshua and I have had an uneasiness about staying here, our hearts have been captured by Africa and it's people, we feel an urgency to go and share the gospel, and we feel a strange peace about God leading us there... yet at the same time- I'm the one who is scared to type it out! Go figure! Like I said, I trust that God is equipping us during this "waiting for Isa phase", for bigger "God things", that He probably knows we would freak out about if He revealed all of it to us now.... so I'm soaking in these moments of preparation.

Okay, all that being said- there is an obvious "equipping opportunity" that we truly feel like God has laid in our laps and we're going to ask you to be in prayer with us about. Joshua is going to Uganda this July on a mission trip with our church, PTCC! We just found out this past weekend that his application was accepted to be a part of the team going to Kampala to work with Hesed International and Food Step (Natalie from the Sixty Feet Bereaved Documentary that many of you have seen). We went back and forth on whether he should apply or not- (the "NOT" aspect of our discussions centered almost entirely around me being pooped on raising money and not really in the mood to tackle another $3,300- if I'm being real here). So here's the deal... at the end of the day- I had to ask myself once again if I trusted that God is faithful to fund His callings? Well how stupid would I be if I said no?! Duh... God has clearly rocked our faces off in less then a year in providing in crazy amazing ways towards our adoption! (I'll have you know, we are seriously ONLY $459 short of our TOTALY GOAL OF $28,000!!!). I find it no coincidence that God timed this mission trip at the exact time of us being almost fully funded for our adoption- knowing that I totally would have shut the door to it even being considered if we still had thousands of more dollars to raise towards our adoption (I'm not sure that speaks much on behalf of my faith)! So here we are, almost entirely funded for Isa... thinking that we were just about to sit back and take a deep breath and relax a bit... BUT once again being challenged to step out in faith and raise a little bit more!

I trust this Uganda trip in July is just another piece of the preparation puzzle that God is putting together! We'll be sending out letters here shortly with more details and specifics regarding the trip. BUT for now, be in prayer that this "waiting for Isa phase" would be a time of growth and maturing in our faith- because I'm pretty sure we're going to need a whole heckva lot of both when the "moving to Africa phase" is upon us! (o:

He is Able

2011-04-04T20:07:00.000-05:00

After my last post about feeling inadequate and in over my head, I feel like God has provided some much needed reassurance that this state of uneasiness is exactly where He wants me and actually good to be in this place. I'm learning that God is a fan of dependency. I'd love to say that I'm super confident of all that I feel like the Lord is asking of me- but nope, not so! I will however say that I am learning to rest in His peace and rely on His abilities and even though the inadequate "Me" is still there trying to squeeze her way in my thoughts to freak me out... I'm learning to rest in the underlying truth that I know HE is able. There is an old school Willow Creek song that I remember when I was a little girl that I unknowingly find myself singing to Jude when I put him to bed at night (because he might be the only person in the world that hasn't figured out I can't sing yet!) The song goes like this:

He is able, more then able, to accomplish what concerns me today.

He is able, more then able, to handle anything that comes my way.

He is able, more then able, to do much more then I could ever dream.

He is able, more then able, to make me what He wants me to be.

Written by: Rory Noland

Isn't it funny how God uses the sweet unexpected moments of being with our children to speak straight to OUR hearts? I gotta wonder if He does that because sometimes throughout my day I'm in the "Go, Go, Go!" mode that when I put Jude down for the night, it's often the first time that I've slowed down enough to really be quite and listen. I'm grateful for the reminders He gives me in being a mom!

Inadequacy

2011-03-30T23:36:00.000-05:00

Inadequacy.... the theme of thoughts swirling in my head as of late. I won't go into all the details surrounding all the topics I feel inadequate in tackling because..... 1. I think it'll just feed the fear, 2. This would be a pretty long post, and 3. I don't write this wanting a "Hilary, you can totally do this!" speech from anyone. I write this because I desire to be real- and admit that I get scared and feel in way over my head! I write this to remind myself of the obvious- I truly am inadequate, and ill equipped, and unable to accomplish all that God desires for me to... BUT HE CAN do it, in and through me! Phil. 1:6 "HE who began a good work in me will bring it to completion until the day of Jesus Christ"... NOT ME! Thank God- literally!

Yep, that's all I got for now. Short and sweet... but what I'm hanging on these days!

One Conversation... One Year Ago

2011-03-25T15:48:00.001-05:00

One year ago today Joshua and I had a conversation. This one conversation has radically flipped our world upside down. This one conversation has brought with it more blessings then I could have ever fathomed. This one conversation has impacted our family more then any other conversation we have ever had before. This one conversation started because God wanted to get to work on our lives and He began opening our eyes and hearts to His bigger plan. Here is how it all went down ONE YEAR AGO TODAY...

It was about 10pm on Thursday, March 25th, 2010 and we were driving home from our Go Group from my sis's house (our church small group that was composed of four other couples at the time). Our group had been going through a study called, Becoming a Good Samaritan, by Michael R. Seaton, for about 6 weeks. In conjunction with the study, there were excellent video segments "hosted" by John Ortberg (which I must plug in here and say, having grown up at Willow, he is near and dear to my heart, so I was a fan from the beginning!) and a list of other awesome leaders like Philip Yancy, Rob Bell, and Shane Claiborne- you know, powerful and passionate people. These video sessions covered topics from Caring for the Sick, Seeking Justice, Honoring the Poor, Loving the Forsaken... and the list goes on. Simple truths and topics for Christians, right?! Well the crazy thing is, here Joshua and I sat, both having grown up as Christians nearly all our lives- and it was like our eyes were just now being opened to the truth of what our responsibility was regarding these issues! I'm ashamed to admit that I clearly didn't get, and I mean really get, what Loving God and Loving Other's truly looked like- reflected in my life. In saying that, I am in no way admitting that I have it all figured out now either- I have so much to learn! But I'm just dumbfounded that it took me 29 years, as a believer, to figure out it was probably important for me to pray that God would break my heart for what breaks His! It was probably important for me to... CARE, frankly, for the issues that were being discussed, because after all Jesus OBVIOUSLY CARED for these issues! Duh Hilary! It was probably important for me to ask myself, "What will my life TRULY look like if my actions back up what God says should be important to my heart?!"! Because heres the deal, Joshua and I knew the "right answers" and had the head knowledge that these topics should be important to us.. we just weren't applying it to our lives, and we weren't burdened by them either. That being said, I think in classic "God style"- HE knew we needed to wake up, so that's why He started tugging on our hearts and flipped our world upside down!

Okay, back to the 10pm drive home that night....
I was driving. Joshua was in the passenger seat. It was quite. It usually was on the way home because we put Jude to sleep at my sister's and then wake him up when we leave and gingerly load him in the car. So in hopes of keeping Jude in that delirious sleep stage, so that he goes back to sleep at home, we generally don't talk much during the 5 minute car ride. In the stillness and quite of the car, completely out of the blue and unexpected, I had the thought of adoption come to mind. It took me off guard a bit and I dismissed it, thinking it strange that it even crossed my mind. The study and video never touch specifically on orphans or adoption, so it wasn't because we had been talking about it. I didn't say anything to Joshua, and just finished driving home. We get home and get Jude unloaded, and tucked into bed, we hurry and get ready for bed too (because after all, it's after 10pm on a school night, and we're getting old!), and we both crawl under the sheets. I hear Joshua take a deep breath and say, "Hil.... what about adoption?" with a curious tone. I laid there in the dark, still and speechless for a moment. "Huh?... what made you ask that?" was my response. I started second guessing whether I had in fact said anything out loud in the car on the way home OR if he just had the crazy ability to read my thoughts?! He went on, "I don't know, I just think it's something we should maybe be praying about. I know we've never talked about it before, but why not?". Still confused and shocked that this was on his mind too, I said, "No joke hun, literally, just 10 minutes ago, I had the thought of adoption run through my mind for the first time ever in my life on the car ride home! This is weird!". Of course, instead of seeing it clearly as the Holy Spirit at work in our hearts, I dismiss it as "weird"... nice Hil! Joshua was equally as surprised that the word adoption was even being thrown around by us- after all, I loved being pregnant with Jude and was genuinely looking forward to getting pregnant again at some point. I literally said, "Do you really think God would want us to adopt? I mean, I'm a really good baby making machine?!"... again, nice Hil. We both kind of laughed... and sighed, maybe catching a glimpse that God might have a different story to write- but doing our best to dismiss it as... I don't even know what. And honestly, that's about the extent of our conversation that night. We both said we'd pray about it- in a light-hearted kind of way, and then we drifted off to sleep.

Again I'll say.... One year ago today Joshua and I had a conversation. This one conversation has radically flipped our world upside down. This one conversation has brought with it more blessings then I could have ever fathomed. This one conversation has impacted our family more then any other conversation we have ever had before. This one conversation started because God wanted to get to work on our lives and He began opening our eyes and hearts to His bigger plan. Praise God for this ONE CONVERSATION!

I say, pray boldly. Pray that God would take your life and use it for His glory. And then sit back and watch what He can do with ONE conversation!

God Showed Up AND Brought People With Him too!

2011-03-23T00:11:00.000-05:00

Life seems to happening quicker than I can keep up with here on the blog. My head and heart are full of scattered thoughts I want to share, yet I can't seem to pinpoint where to even begin!

Okay, I think the easiest way to recap it all is just to rewind back a couple weeks to the beginning of March and share how God showed up in a pretty big way... AGAIN (surprise, surprise)! If you've been following our journey from the beginning you may remember THIS POST way back at the end of August. For the other 99% of you that can't even fathom following a blog for that long... I'll sum it up for you! (o; Long story, short- God opened a door for me to be a part of leading an orphan care ministry at our church. With excitement, a little bit of anxiety, and a whole lot of reassurance from the nudging of the Holy Spirit, I said YES.

Over the past five months, prayer has been given as to what this ministry could look like and what it would offer to Preston Trail Community Church. Ideas of how we wanted to launch this ministry and name this ministry have been discussed across the table between Nancy (director of Compassion Ministry) and I and given much thought and prayer individually. Last month, we were meeting and decided that we both felt at peace with starting simple and letting this ministry transpire organically (just saying that word makes me feel all hippie-like). Considering we weren't entirely sure of what the need was within the church, we thought it was best to just start with a simple social and get to know our "audience". To be honest, I had an underlying fear of NO ONE showing up if we did an official BIG "launch" of the ministry and the idea of inviting people just by word of mouth for a small get together at the local Starbucks to chit chat, was A LOT less intimidating to me! Classic Hilary style I convinced myself that there would be a total of maybe FOUR people that would RSVP to the Evite and be at the Starbucks... ONE being me (duh), TWO being Joshua (because there's an unspoken obligation that comes with being married to me) THREE being Nancy (because she rocks and has helped get this ball rolling), and FOUR being my mom (because she's that kind of stellar mom who shows up to all my sister and I do in support of us... even though we're in our 30's! And for that, I'm so stinking grateful! ).

Well, well, well... I'll have you know, GOD SHOWED UP- and brought people with Him too!!! I might have unknowingly picked the smallest Starbucks in town to meet at- BUT I'm just sayin', we filled the entire front of the store out! Fifteen people showed up to express their interest in being a part of this unfolding ministry, which by the way we've named... Abba's Children!!! Fifteen people that I basically didn't really know (so they didn't all come as a pity guest on my behalf). Fifteen people that have passionate hearts that genuinely LOVE God and LOVE others. Fifteen people that represent all aspects of orphan care from international adoption, to domestic adoption, to foster care, to sponsorship, to just wanting to be a support and encouragement to those in the process! Fifteen people who God burdened their hearts to show up on a Friday night to a "social"... that God had planned all the way back in August and knew just who needed to be there.

We went around the crowded, mis-shaped, circle of chairs and shared our hearts and what God was doing in our lives, and as I sat there listening to each story, my heart was happy- because I felt like God was whispering, "See, I told you I got this! It's not about you Hilary, it's about ME and as long as you're obedient, I'll make my name big!". And so I walked away on March 4th seeing a glimpse of His plan coming together. And while I still don't know what the big picture of Abba's Children Orphan Care Ministry at Preston Trail looks like, I'm cool with that- because I'm learning that He just shows me one step at a time and asks for me to faithfully step out in obedience. This seems to be becoming a theme in my life and I'm strangely becoming more and more comfortable with that.

So, with one successful social under our belt, we're getting ready for our next social coming up Thursday, March 31st, where we're doing a family potluck! I'll just have you know, so far we're already up to 28 YES's on the Evite! Wahoo! (Keep in mind that is including kiddos, but still! Bring it!) My hope and prayer is to get a better feel for what the immediate needs are for Abba's Children to offer to our church family AND to hear the hopes and dreams of what other's would love to see offered in the future. I'm confident that God is already at work and is just as excited as I am to make His name BIG! Here we go!

I'll do another post here soon about our awesome camping trip we had with the Aston's over spring break and what a blessing their friendship is in our lives! But for now, I'll give you a glimpse of the fun we had being all outdoorsy! This picture of Jude and I fishing, in a strange way, captures how I view this ministry opportunity and how God has let me be a part of it. I sort of feel like Jude, like I'm playing a role in casting the vision and reeling it in- but the obvious truth is, God is right behind me, holding the "pole" and guiding me, whispering in my ear only what I need to know in that very moment. I love that we have a God who desires to use us in accomplishing His work. I love that He is also a God who stands behind us, holding the "fishing pole", reassuring us how to reel it all in!